2 Siblings and Counting? Help for the Survivors

Hello, I am sibling 4 out of 5. When we grew up, we each had one child. Our mother was murdered in 1978. My oldest sister killed herself in 1994, having blamed herself for years for my mothers death. The youngest male sibling could not manage his grief and took his life in 1996. Now the oldest brother and my younger sister are both living alone, although somewhat close geographically. The sister has been abusing drugs and alcohol since she was 18, the day our mom died. My brother, a Vietnam Navy Seal, has purchased helium tanks and has matter-of-factly told me when he is ready he is going to go. I got a call on Christmas that little sister OD’ed and is in the hospital. She is going to make it. This time. It seems like my grief is neverending. I grief for what is lost, for the children, for my sick, sick, siblings who should be living productive lives, not thinking every day they will snuff them out. How long can this go on? Will I really be the sole sibling left? It is inconceivable, yet more and more is looking like a possibility. They refuse professional help. It seems hopeless.



5 year mark

12/24/2009 R.I.P. Captain Kochavi. I love you, big sis. Five years is looming on the horizon and I feel compelled to touch the grief and be close to you again. Stopping to consider the purpose in my own life threatens to bring me back to the despair of losing you. I write songs for you and I even registered a copyright this year for one. it is a comfort to me to sing it, but painful to sing it to others. To any new survivors- please hang in there one breath at a time. Life is bittersweet, but there may be new joys to experience down the road. Please touch base and get help with the sorrow. Peace to all. (I love you, Mariah, and look forward to the day I will see you again)


Just wanted to say..

To a little brother who always covered for me when we were younger, who was an awesome teammate as well as competitor in many video games (he was number 1 in the world in one particular PlayStation game; I may have been a little jealous lol). Who shared many favorite hobbies with me and all of the experiences we had. Words can’t describe how grateful I am that we were so close and were able to spend so much time together those last few years. Just wanted to say: I love you bro so very much.