My brother hung himself a few days ago. I was the one to find him. I still can’t believe it. I knew he was struggling with depression, but whenever I tried talking to him he would get mad. I tried telling my parents but that made him even more upset. Wherever he is, I want him to be calm and not feel the way he did these past few years. I wish this never happened and feel so sorry for him, because he had so much to offer. What I am mad about is the fact that he always had this ability to make random things he was passionate about happen… so it doesn’t make any sense whatsoever that he couldn’t pull through and win this war. He left us all heartbroken. There’s nobody that I could talk to because nobody can understand this. I never thought this would happen and I pray for my family’s health and well being. But I seriously have no idea nor clue how we’re going to get through this. I love my brother dearly and was always scared for his fragile soul. Hopefully he’s safe and happy now.

Last friday, I woke up and checked my phone as usual. I had messages and missed calls of one my brothers that live in Guanajuato, Mexico. They texted to call them urgently and I did. My oldest brother told me with his voice breaking that my older brother had died. In shock I asked him what happened and he said that he hung himself. I didn’t cry at that moment and he had asked me if I was alone before telling me. My mother arrived just as I was speaking to him and I didn’t say anything. When Dad arrived, he already knew and I had to tell mom. It was as traumatic as it gets. I reserved my comments on what happened and pretended to not know any details of his passing. She immediately left to Mexico and I had to stay due to work. I own a Band and I did not cancel the performances this weekend because 5 more people would have no food on their tables if I missed. There is a saying among musicians that says “the show has to continue” and it sure did. I had never really lost someone that hurt so much as my brother. I am in Laredo, TX right now where nobody from my family is. I’m in a hotel and I’m heartbroken, sleepless and guilty. I don’t understand why my brother had to go like that. I feel like I left him down. I feel a hole in my chest. After tonight’s show, I felt reality punching my heart. It hit me harder than my brother’s call. I started recalling our last conversations and I feel like he was probably asking for help and I did not understood what he was trying to say. I just hate myself right now. I loved him. I still love him. And memories are just there haunting me. I wonder if this is normal, because I feel like it’s just getting worse. I hope he forgives me. His decision has left so many questions and pain. I’m sad as never before.

I lost my sister on 11/31/08. She was 16 and I was 10. I will never forget the sound of my mother screaming when she found her. I had no clue that my sister was struggling with depression.(I assume my parents hid it from me) At first, being so young, I didn’t fully understand how much my life would change after this. Nothing has or will ever be the same. If I could offer any advice it would be to live life to fullest as they would want. Go to grief concelling as it really does help. Let go and let god.

I wish you stayed

My little brother hung himself on the 18th of October 2017, 6 days after my birthday, he was only 19 and was too young to give up on life. I don’t know how to move on from this, I can’t get through a day without pharmaceutical assistance, I can’t sleep and my relationships are falling apart all around me.
I don’t know how to stay strong for my son because he my brother was his favourite person in the world and now he’s gone.
The night he hung himself we had a fight, like we have had so many times before and even though he started it I’ll never be able to say sorry and that I love him and I miss him and I’d do anything to bring him back.
A lot My father’s family has disowned me, my father passed away when I was 13 and because I am adopted the only person who kept my family together is gone and Ive never felt more worthless in my life.
And the worst is that I can’t go because my son needs me.
I wish you stayed with me little brother, I have no one to save me anymore.

Subject: Missing my older brother

My brother hung himself on November 16, 2017. I’ll never forget the sound of my sister-in-law’s scream as she called me and saw his body at the same time. I’ve never fallen to my knees before. I thought that only happened in the movies. We weren’t going to tell the kids what really happened but then decided that to lie was only perpetuating the shame and stigma of mental health. So that’s my rationale thought. The rest of me is a total mess.
I don’t want to socialize. I don’t want to talk to friends. I just want to be left alone. I’m so tired but I can’t sleep. We were so close. No matter his issues, he would have always had a seat at my dining room table and he would have always had a home. My son is a lot like him. Witty and clever. And full of anxiety. At eight he was attending group counselling-type sessions to help manage his emotions.
Why didn’t he just call me? Nothing is insurmountable. I wouldn’t have judged. I could have helped him problem solve. Or just listened. My sadness is profound and the loss is deep. And why the eff do people think I should be fully functioning again?!?! He was my only brother! I miss him.

Always be your baby sis

Losing my big brother in September turned my world upside down. Moving across country in October wasn’t easy. I miss my brother so much and so hard accepting I don’t have him a phone call away. Sometimes I wish I was with him sometimes I hate him for this sometimes I just want answers. Did he regret it..? I hate this feeling and it hasn’t gotten easier just over this feeling I miss my brother so much

Your body is here but you are not

My dearest baby sister. You decided to end your life 2 days ago just about this instant. Although I am conscious and breathing, I have not felt anything real since and time is a blur. I am a shell of what I used to be. I miss you so dearly in ways words cannot describe. You may be breathing, but only because of tubes and a ventilator. Your mind is gone and the person you were will never be. I have barely been able to accept your impending passing, though I will have to some way. I take solace out of the fact you did you in life and in death.I just want you to be okay and at peace with your demons and you got what you wanted. Forever miss you and my life will never be the same. Love, your big brother

Subject: Missing You So Much Lil Brother

It has been 3 months since I lost my baby brother ,21 years old to suicide by hanging. I will never forget getting that phone call from my mom on September 1st to tell me that he was gone. I just screamed what seemed like the longest scream ever and crumpled to the floor. Her words your brother committed suicide last night run over in my head over and over. I am still in shock. We were close,especially towards the end and we had had several conversations about his depression but I never would have thought that this would happen. I just wish I could bring him back and somehow take away his pain and whatever demons he was fighting in his head and save him. I miss him so much and this pain I feel inside is unlike anything I have ever felt before. The pain is searing and can hardly even be described to someone who has not felt it before. I don’t want to feel this way towards him but I also can’t help to feel some anger towards him that he chose to leave us like he did,couldn’t he see how much he was loved and how losing him would permanently turn our lives upside down? I just feel so many conflicting emotions. I wish every night to wake up in the morning and for this all to be a bad,horrible nightmare

My brother left us on 11/29/17, he was 45, was living with MS and must have felt it was too hard to handle. He was like my son, he looked up to me, although I have no regret because I made sure he knew how much I loved him, I am completely heartbroken beyond repair. I see him everywhere. He left behind twin boys (18 yrs) the only consolation is that we have his boys and will take care of them. They are devastated. The morning he took his life he argued with our mom and a while later he killed himself. He left our mother with a lot of guilt and I know it was not her fault. She’s been an amazing mother and did not deserve this. She is suffering beyond belief. I can only hope that with our faith we can get past this and start repairing our hearts! Our life will never be the same. I am holding on to hope that there will be happiness someday again for our loving family.

I miss my baby sister. She took her own life 11/28/17. She was 29 years old. She has a little boy. He was the light of her life. She had everything going for her. She just bought a house, getting married in spring, a raise from her work, everything seemed great. She started to drink a lot. Even put herself on anxiety medications. Why? I cannot grasp this. Why didn’t she call Me? I’m so brokenhearted… She had me and my two other sisters and our mom for support. Why????