Hi brother. I miss you; but what’s new?!
My house is a home right now. It feels so good to wake up here. I have everything I need. Starting my day feels ease these days. WHAT I WOULD DO TO HAVE YOU OVER. My whole life you decorate every room I had until my early 20s. I’m 33 now, 3 years older than you ever got to be – weird because I’m your little sister. I remember crying so hard on my 31st birthday; knowing I was passing your earth age. Speaking of, your birthdays coming up. March 25. This will be your 4th birthday absent; we will celebrate you anyways. I miss you brother.
B R E A T H
Well, I always think of you when I’m decorating my house. I could use your help, some guidance. I’m just not good at it. Previous years I would cry so hard because you weren’t here. Of course in the beginning it was a real angry cry – so mad at you; but today….. I am typing thus far without a tear. Probably my first post of many on this site. Don’t get me wrong, I still cry for you – realllllll ugly cries. Right now, I feel at peace; Lately I’ve been cocooning. More reason to have you here with me. I wish we could share food recipes. I miss you cooking for me. You’d be impressed by my skills in the kitchen.Ugh.. I am reminded that I’m still growing without you. I still don’t understand how. How I’m existing this long without you. Oh hey, there’s those tears. Hahaha gaddddamn.
It still hurts. My throat skill tightens up along with my chest. That weird congestion feeling, the tears, that physical pain in heart. Steven, I miss you so freaking much.Please please please give Mom and brother some of your radiant energy. I know they could use it these days. I’m okay over here, but still missing you always. XO XO

F. Pooh

Losing a little sister is an all-consuming kind of pain, and I just want you to know—you are not alone. There are so many of us walking through similar heartbreak, even if it feels isolating.
In April 2024, I attempted to take my own life. I survived, and within hours my mom, my sister, and her husband—who live two hours away—were at my house. That night, we all sat together on my bed. I remember my sister asking me how I could do something like that, and whether I knew suicide was considered an unforgivable sin.
Through tears, I told her what I truly believed: that God forgives all sins. That in those final moments, when someone cries out, “God, I can’t do this anymore,” He knows their heart. I believe He meets them in that pain with understanding and mercy. And I also believe that when it isn’t our time, something intervenes. On August 1, 2024, my little sister went home alone and took her life.
When I got the call, I fell to my knees. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t understand how this could happen—especially after that conversation we had just months before. She was only 34 years old. At her funeral a week later, the room was overflowing. So many people loved her.
Seven days after we buried her, on August 14, I received another devastating call: my 14-year-old daughter had been arrested and charged with first-degree murder. Everything inside of me shattered. My days became filled with grief, anger, and a darkness I can barely put into words. Then, on September 18, I discovered a video in my husband’s email—he had been with another woman. That was the moment I felt completely broken. Hopeless. Alone. Like there was no way out. I attempted to take my life again. I had barricaded myself in a room. I don’t know how long I was unconscious before my husband broke in and called 911. I remember waking up angry—angry that I was still here, angry that it hadn’t worked.But today, it’s March 2026. And I’m still here.I’m not okay. Most days are still incredibly hard.

I lost my little brother almost 9 weeks ago. He hid his pain from everyone in his life so his loss was a complete surprise to my family and to everyone else in his life. Now, I have a few “okay” days, but then, days like today, are absolute hell on earth. I have so many questions that will never be answered and it eats away at me from the inside. I don’t know how I am going to carry this for the rest of my life. It’s so, so hard. I want him back so much and I know that’s selfish, but I can’t help myself. I would have done anything to help him and I’m so disappointed in myself that he didn’t reach out to me for help; I have a lot of regret about things I should or could have done. His birthday is coming up in a few weeks and I don’t know what to do. I miss him so much all the time.

The last call is all I try to remember. The smile on your face and your laughing face. The way you smiled at your nieces and nephew. Harmony still ask if you can play Roblox with her. We still wait for your call. 02/02/2026 is a day I will never forget. I still look at our messages asking where I went wrong. I am wondering if I failed you. Seeing you in that casket wasn’t what I was ready for. I hate being selfish but I want you back. I know you are not in pain anymore. We have to figure out how to live without you but it’s not easy. We love you and we miss you babygirl. Forever 15
~ Autumn your older sister who will die just so you can come back

When the world is dark, and the black hole is all consuming.When it seems like it’s easier to fall into a deep sleep. Or to just fall down and not get up.

When the effort to escape is exhausting.

I am there with you.

I am climbing out of the black hole with you, pushing you up and out. I am jumping off the cliff with you to land on a giant foam bed, safe and unharmed. The sun feels nice here. The breeze is soothing. No where else we need to be but in this stillness.

I know what it’s like to have sleep call your name. I’ve wanted her to hold me too. Multiple times. Don’t listen. Please stay.

I am caring for my pain beside you, as you care and bandage yours. If you run out of energy imagine my hug. The same when we were children. Warm and silly. I am still here little brother, I am hugging you even when I’m not there. I am giving you my energy meter. You can rest on my shoulder. I know you’re tired. Let it out. Breathe.

I know the pain is excruciating and tiring. Release it onto me, and hate me if you must. Just accept the help.

Remember that the feeling of overwhelming gloom is not forever. The pain will dull itself over time and the hard parts will be done and long gone. Don’t let her consume you. You’re so much stronger deep down. I know you’re there little brother. Don’t quit.

It’s okay you can collapse into my arms, I got you now little brother. You are safe. You are going to be okay. You are safe. I’m here. I am here for you always. Nothing else matters, block out the noise, you are going to be okay. I’m here for you. Please accept our help.

You matter. All versions of you are still you and I will always love you. Please stay.

I am so sorry to have caused you any pain. And for everything I didn’t do that I should have done. On behalf of our entire family, I apologize for it all.

I think of you every day.

I love you so much.

Your sister

I was a bit skeptical about this site but it’s been less than a week since I lost my older brother. I’m having a hard time processing my grief and it’s still a shock that he’s gone. I’d like to know how/what helped you cope with the sudden loss of a loved one and the feelings of guilt (please don’t say I shouldn’t feel guilty- I know I shouldn’t and I’ve heard that countless times). Thank you for allowing me to share.

It will be 9 years as of March 24th, 2017, since you ended your life.Many tears have been shed and life goes on without you.

All it takes are certain songs to remind me of you.
It’s our dialogue, which continues although your breath in this world does not.

I see you in the sky, when I see a retail hawk or the bald eagles flying along the Hudson River.

I have to be the strong one and the eldest one now that you are gone.

May I always be available for your grown children and mine.

May I keep and share the memories of my older brother, Tom with tears of joy.

Forever grateful to have had you as my brother.

Tomorrow. When the sky lightens in the a.m., you will have been gone for 2 years.Just yesterday, I was driving down the highway and Alice looked over at me and said; “Isn’t that the place we met the Coroner when we picked up your brother’s things?”. I looked over and realized where we were. Then, it dawned on me how terrible that day was.

As we drove on I started remembering how sad we were two years ago, and at the same time realized life goes on. I don’t beat myself up anymore wondering what I could have done to help you. Thinking you taking your life was my fault. On January 9, 2024, I felt guilty thinking I could have done more. Sitting here on January 8, 2026, I have found peace in my life. Alice, my brothers and sister, and my friends have helped me along the way.

I will always miss you and will always love you little brother. Until we meet again.

I have 7 siblings. 4 sisters and 3 brothers. We have been shattered by suicide. November 2013 my beautiful baby sister attended a birthday party for my daughter. She seemed sad and told me she was sad. I did not take the time to talk. She took her own life the next day. The last words I said to her was I love you as she drove away. The wake of devastation that has rippled through our family since that day has been un-measursble. All of my siblings, myself included have pretty much had to deal with this without any professional help. We’ve just muddled through. There are no words to describe the plethora of complex emotions and pain, emotional and yes physical pain. What the hell are we supposed to do? 2016 my brother took his own life as well….it was too much! He left behind a daughter, who wants nothing to do with our family anymore. Our Mom passed away from cancer last year. She lived with it for 10 years. I honestly believe she developed cancer trying to deal with the loss of my sister. I lay in bed tonight reflecting on all of this and I am in utter disbelief that all of this has happened. What do we do? What do I do?

I don’t remember my deceased brother as if he hasn’t existed. We went to many concerts together, and shared so many experiences. We were best friends and I lost most of my memories of him. I can only well remember his last day. Is it normal? to forget your loved one via trauma? Have you experienced anything alike?