Category Archives: Inspiration

My Inspiration

My big brother Darien easily influenced everything I am today. Being eleven years older than me, I worshipped the ground he walked on and wanted to be just like him. He introduced me to his interests, many of which are my own now too. I lost him the summer before my sophomore year in high school and I will now be entering my senior year. It is so strange to think he won’t see me walk across that stage next year. There are so many things I wish we got to talk about and sometimes when I watch a new anime or read a new manga, I want nothing more than to talk to him about it. I wish he could see the young woman I’m growing into and the things I have accomplished. Every single thing I do is in his honor because I know that I may not be able to talk to him now, but when I do I want to have so many great stories to tell him.

Unanswered Questions

It was a momentary lapse of judgment,
It happened in the blink of an eye,
So many questions left unanswered,
So many loved ones asking why?

A husband, a son and a mother,
A sister, brothers, in laws, family, friends and more,
How did we not see it coming?
She was not someone we ignored!

But, in a momentary loss of judgment,
All of our lives have been changed,
And no mater what we do or feel now,
It will never be the same.
So I honor her memory daily,
By doing what I need to do,
And when things get rough & I’ve had enough,
I let her love carry me though.

For I know she loved us all greatly,
And is so sorry for our loss and pain,
She is waiting for us on the other side,
Until we meet again!
By Gary Nowak
Aka Jess Mei
© 10/30/2005

So much left to do

Bro. Mom just got real hurt. I wish you were here to help. She misses you so much. We haven’t been allowed to see your daughter. We don’t want to sue and rock the boat too much. My kids are getting big. Harold asked about you today. He doesn’t remember you. He is about to turn 4. It made Eleanor cry. She is 7 now. She doesn’t remember what you look like and that makes her feel bad. She adored you. Mom will is trying to say sober through her physical therapy. God I need my brother. I love you Rob.

Sibling Inspiration Submission Sent – SURVIVOR

This has been posted before on here but a few years back. I’ll re-post as it gave me some strength.
I will come stand beside you,
And offer you my hand.
I have been where you are,
So I am able to understand.
I have experience the same emotions,
The shock and disbelief.
Felt the weight of the stigma,
That amplifies our grief.
Ive been wide awake at midnight,
With worry weighing on my mind.
Ive searched for and searched for answers, That I have discovered I will never find.
But I have faith that you’ll make it,
And find a reason to live once more.
You’re now a suicide survivor,
You’re not the person you were before.
By: Randall Stepp

Sibling Inspiration Submission Sent – I survived!

I have survived! I have considered myself a member of the Survivors of Suicide for a long time. A group I made up in my head. It’s everyone who lost a family member or loved one to suicide. You don’t have to join, and no one wants to be a member. I think it’s time to share my story.
When I was 15, my brother 17 took his own life. 6 months later, my mother died of lung cancer. 3 years later, my father passed also of lung cancer. If the phone rang my first thought was who died.
I will never know why my big brother, my protector and role model took his own life. We were inseparable, and grew up together up. There are so many questions I will never know. He didn’t leave a note and I don’t know if there were any signs as he was living with our dad at the time.
After my mother passed, I remember my sister once saying that my mother gave up to cancer after my brother took his life. I don’t remember if she said it, or said that someone said that, but that was not something I believed. Somethings are best that I believe what I want to believe.
One thing has helped me get by. There are others out there that life has handed them worse and they survived, so can I.
It’s been 30 years now. I have a beautiful wife, who takes good care of me. Two beautiful daughters, they are a handful. I have a job that I enjoy and pays the bills. I can honestly say, I have a peaceful life.

Sibling Inspiration Submission Sent – For Leigh

I wish we had more time. I wish I didn’t get so mad so quickly. I miss you so much – you still had more to learn, more to give. first we lost dad, now I have to deal with the loss of you. you always looked after me and made sure I had what I needed. you were the best big brother and best second dad. I’m so sorry horrible things have happened to you and you felt no other way to be able to fight your demons off. you always knew how to make me smile or laugh or even get extremely angry. I will always remember you and I will never ever forget. you are my brother forever. I love you Leigh. I hope you’re having a good time with dad. I miss you – 2/9/86-2/9/16.