Hi I’m Erika and I’m 16 years old. On November 27, 2014 ten days after my birthday my 21 year old sister Victoria shot herself on thanksgiving. I was at my aunts house and grandmas for thanksgiving which was like 2 minutes away. A lot of fighting had been happening between my mom and Victoria. We always fought, they had a closer relationship and I felt I was off the side. Anyone they had argued all day and Victoria was acting weird all month, I just thought she was being hateful. Anyway I come home from thanksgiving dinner, I go into my room through the bathroom and I see her laying there. Blood everywhere. I ran to my mom and before I know it. Cops were everywhere, police time was taped around my house, I knew my life was never going to be the same again. Almost a year later and In between that time my mom has tried to commit suicide, her boyfriend is living with her, she went to California for rehab she didn’t really do anything…she’s not right right now… I was just 16 and I acted like I was 12… Tori did everything for me. Now I’m here sitting a cafe waiting for my boyfriends football game to end. I feel like I’m 36 now. I live with my aunt, two minutes away from the house she died in, 10 minutes away from my mom. As thanksgiving is coming I feel pretty depressed… But I’m trying everyday.
My brother took his life 9 years ago. I never thought that aching/empty/scared/lonely feeling would go away. 9 years out, they have subsided. Now, I’m in a place I never thought I would get to— now I’m encouraging others. I promise, it does get better. It sucks and hurts and is physically and emotionally draining, but you too will be a support one day for someone else going through this. Focus on that day – you’re going to make it! Those before you have a ton of faith and strength for you while your legs are getting stronger. You will be able to be that to someone too one day. Maybe not today or a year from now, but one day you will be there.
I wish heaven had a phone so i could hear your voice one last time
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.
(Family Friend Poems)
Select this link to view an inspirational quote: Out of the Darkness