Subject: Missing my older brother

My brother hung himself on November 16, 2017. I’ll never forget the sound of my sister-in-law’s scream as she called me and saw his body at the same time. I’ve never fallen to my knees before. I thought that only happened in the movies. We weren’t going to tell the kids what really happened but then decided that to lie was only perpetuating the shame and stigma of mental health. So that’s my rationale thought. The rest of me is a total mess.
I don’t want to socialize. I don’t want to talk to friends. I just want to be left alone. I’m so tired but I can’t sleep. We were so close. No matter his issues, he would have always had a seat at my dining room table and he would have always had a home. My son is a lot like him. Witty and clever. And full of anxiety. At eight he was attending group counselling-type sessions to help manage his emotions.
Why didn’t he just call me? Nothing is insurmountable. I wouldn’t have judged. I could have helped him problem solve. Or just listened. My sadness is profound and the loss is deep. And why the eff do people think I should be fully functioning again?!?! He was my only brother! I miss him.

Always be your baby sis

Losing my big brother in September turned my world upside down. Moving across country in October wasn’t easy. I miss my brother so much and so hard accepting I don’t have him a phone call away. Sometimes I wish I was with him sometimes I hate him for this sometimes I just want answers. Did he regret it..? I hate this feeling and it hasn’t gotten easier just over this feeling I miss my brother so much

Your body is here but you are not

My dearest baby sister. You decided to end your life 2 days ago just about this instant. Although I am conscious and breathing, I have not felt anything real since and time is a blur. I am a shell of what I used to be. I miss you so dearly in ways words cannot describe. You may be breathing, but only because of tubes and a ventilator. Your mind is gone and the person you were will never be. I have barely been able to accept your impending passing, though I will have to some way. I take solace out of the fact you did you in life and in death.I just want you to be okay and at peace with your demons and you got what you wanted. Forever miss you and my life will never be the same. Love, your big brother

Subject: Missing You So Much Lil Brother

It has been 3 months since I lost my baby brother ,21 years old to suicide by hanging. I will never forget getting that phone call from my mom on September 1st to tell me that he was gone. I just screamed what seemed like the longest scream ever and crumpled to the floor. Her words your brother committed suicide last night run over in my head over and over. I am still in shock. We were close,especially towards the end and we had had several conversations about his depression but I never would have thought that this would happen. I just wish I could bring him back and somehow take away his pain and whatever demons he was fighting in his head and save him. I miss him so much and this pain I feel inside is unlike anything I have ever felt before. The pain is searing and can hardly even be described to someone who has not felt it before. I don’t want to feel this way towards him but I also can’t help to feel some anger towards him that he chose to leave us like he did,couldn’t he see how much he was loved and how losing him would permanently turn our lives upside down? I just feel so many conflicting emotions. I wish every night to wake up in the morning and for this all to be a bad,horrible nightmare

My brother left us on 11/29/17, he was 45, was living with MS and must have felt it was too hard to handle. He was like my son, he looked up to me, although I have no regret because I made sure he knew how much I loved him, I am completely heartbroken beyond repair. I see him everywhere. He left behind twin boys (18 yrs) the only consolation is that we have his boys and will take care of them. They are devastated. The morning he took his life he argued with our mom and a while later he killed himself. He left our mother with a lot of guilt and I know it was not her fault. She’s been an amazing mother and did not deserve this. She is suffering beyond belief. I can only hope that with our faith we can get past this and start repairing our hearts! Our life will never be the same. I am holding on to hope that there will be happiness someday again for our loving family.

I miss my baby sister. She took her own life 11/28/17. She was 29 years old. She has a little boy. He was the light of her life. She had everything going for her. She just bought a house, getting married in spring, a raise from her work, everything seemed great. She started to drink a lot. Even put herself on anxiety medications. Why? I cannot grasp this. Why didn’t she call Me? I’m so brokenhearted… She had me and my two other sisters and our mom for support. Why????

You decided to take the last person in my life I had. You were my baby. You were only 14 Matthew. You’ve been gone for almost 6 months but can still barely bare waking up every morning without you baby boy. I’m only 17. You knew I needed and loved you. I was all you had, you’re all I had. Why did you have to do it ? I don’t understand. I never will. Why did you shoot yourself? You promised that day you’d never do this to me. And you broke the promise the same day??? In my room??? I don’tget it I never will . We went through he’ll together. And I’m so sorry I didn’t get you help and that people judged you for your autism but you were never different to me. you were my price and joy. I shared a too. with you for 15 years. I thought you lovd Me. But you didn’t even care enough to tell me why. You didn’t care enough to ducking stay. You left Me a stray and I won’t ever understand why you have broken my heard forever. I’m so sorry. I love you. Why didn’t you love Me? I’ll never understand

My only brother took his life on November 9th 2017. It has been the worst, most frustrating, painful 12 days of my life. He was only 26 and words do not describe how loved, honored, amazing he was. What I would give to see his face again. To see him walk through the door. My body has taken its toll. How will I ever come back from this? How will I ever continue my life? You just need to come back. Please.