My sister Amanda… did you know when you shot yourself that you would take the whole family with you in one way or another? It’s been two years and the latest casualty is that our other sister left this earth almost 2 years to the day of your suicide. No, she did not go the same way. She had a heart attack. But who dies of at heart attack at her age? I cannot believe anything except that she died of a broken heart. I loved you so deeply; you were my best friend and I think you were her best friend too. She was so lonely after you left! I miss you too, but I am staying strong, by God’s grace, for the sake of mom and dad and your child and my children and my one last remaining sister. I ask anew, “why???”, and I know, but I don’t know, the reason. I hope I will see you again some day. Until then, I will cry more than I ever thought I could.

On April 25 I got a text from my little brother saying where he was and how sorry he was. Attached was a Google docs suicide note. At first I was confused on what I was seeing. Then it hit. Like a train slamming into me. I quickly went to the spot where he was and there was already a ton of cops and my parents. We waited for what seemed like forever and then they finally told us you had shot yourself in the head and were not going to survive.
I was still in shock as I told mikel over the phone what had happened since he was out of town. When we got to the hospital there were so many people asking questions. Cops nurses doctors surgeons social workers you name it.
We took you off the ventilator April 26.
Since then I’ve moved back in with mom and dad not by choice, sold my car, quit my job, and got dumped all because of what happened.
Here we are 4 1/2 months later and all I wanna do is scream at you. My life is completely ruined. I’m miserable without you and I miss you like crazy.

I am having a really hard time understanding why you did this. I love you so much baby brother. We will forever be thinking of you and missing you. Your family loved you so much. We wish we could have helped you fight your demons. Rest in paradise baby brother. I love you so much.

I was 21 y/o, in college, when my only sibling, my brother Todd, took his life. He was only 15. My parents had always had a tumultuous marriage & he was subjected to more of their craziness than I was. My father had a long history of depression and my mother chose to stay with him. I “fell apart” and flunked-out of school. I didn’t know I was depressed, I did know that I couldn’t think straight, couldn’t eat, my weight dropped dramatically. But I did get the message that grieving wasn’t okay and I “should get over it.” My mother actually said that I had no right to grieve because it was only my brother, but it was HER son. Todd died in 1974 and I have learned that his death is a part of my life.

When brother was 19 when he hung himself. He is six years younger than me. Growing up we grew up in the country always playing together constantly together. Our parents split up when he was around 9. While he grew up and we became distanced due to not living together but we still have a very close bond and he always knew I had his back. He was searching for a family to love him and he got with this girl she had two kids and he thought the one kid was his but it didn’t end up being his. I think it broke his heart. And he’s had to be there for my sister through so many unresolved health issues in the past 5 months to a year… He was on and off in his relationship but they always seemed to get back together and make it work. He loved her kids soo much and wanted to be a father for them. He was stabbed two weeks before he killed himself in a fight against three teenage guys. He seemed okay, he called me we talked and I told him to call me if anything bad happens again! And I meant it. My brother internalized everything and had health problems himself both physically and mentally but physically his body really went downhill. We went to a concert in April and I feel so bad not realizing the signs or see how bad he was slipping. I ignored it because of the state I put myself in in my own life. He loved his niece’s and nephew’s soo much. And I had a son less than two weeks after he had passed… Im so numb and making very big decisions in my life under such a hard circumstance. I have people there for me but I don’t want to let myself down, because I feel I’m letting the people that are there for me down. My sister found my brother in the closet and had to call their dad. And my mom found our thru a text message thru my brothers dad. I have anger and bad thoughts. But I am trying to stay strong for my brother and my kids, you have to in life. Because life isn’t fair, people can be crazy but we have to make the best of it while we are still here. Love you soo much bro I hope you are at peace.

I lost my only sibling my sister on Monday July 31st. She was 25 years old with 2 wonderful boys age 7 and 16 months. Her husband was wanting a divorce and she just couldn’t be without him. My parents and I are devastated. She was 6 years younger than me we were never super close but we were getting closer. She was in nursing school set to finish in December. I am also a nurse and was so excited for her to complete her goals. She shot herself in the head while in her car. Purchasing the gun and learning to shoot it all in the same day. I am just completely shocked and still in total disbelief. My mom had spoken to her over the phone a couple hours before and said she was fine. I just feel so helpless about everything. Wishing there was something I could have done or said. So many questions. I feel so much heartache for her young children. She was a fantastic, loving mother I just don’t understand how she could have left her children. I never thought this would be something that she would do. I think about her constantly and don’t know how to help myself through the pain little less my parents. I love you Amber and I wish things could have been so much different.