I wish you stayed (SiblingsSurvivors Guest Post)

I wish you stayed

My little brother hung himself on the 18th of October 2017, 6 days after my birthday, he was only 19 and was too young to give up on life. I don’t know how to move on from this, I can’t get through a day without pharmaceutical assistance, I can’t sleep and my relationships are falling apart all around me.
I don’t know how to stay strong for my son because he my brother was his favourite person in the world and now he’s gone.
The night he hung himself we had a fight, like we have had so many times before and even though he started it I’ll never be able to say sorry and that I love him and I miss him and I’d do anything to bring him back.
A lot My father’s family has disowned me, my father passed away when I was 13 and because I am adopted the only person who kept my family together is gone and Ive never felt more worthless in my life.
And the worst is that I can’t go because my son needs me.
I wish you stayed with me little brother, I have no one to save me anymore.

5 thoughts on “I wish you stayed (SiblingsSurvivors Guest Post)

  1. My baby brother also hung himself on April 14th of this year. We also had a fight 2 days before he died. And my father also passed away 14 years ago. I see similarities in our story. We were closer than brother and sister. More like mother and child. I took care of him and tried saving his life everyday. I had 302’d him 3 times in the last 2 years. And I failed to save him. My emotions are like I’m on the fastest rollercoaster all by myself and I’m screaming for someone, anyone to let me off but everyone is staring at me and speeding it up. Or like I’m on the edge of the tallest building in the world with the wind blowing really hard and I’m looking down waiting to fall. I’m not sure if you have had similar emotions but they are overwhelming and I feel it will always feel that way. I try to think to myself that it’s the price I will pay for loving him as much as i did. But it’s depleting my soul.

  2. The important part for you is to remember that it is okay to be NOT OKAY. My brother(21) took an overdose on may 22nd of this year. these 7 months have been nothing than an absolute hell to me. 2 days ago was my birthday and it takes so fkn much energy not to drown in my own thoughts. look the only thing I’m really trying to say is.

    Don’t feel as if there is no room to fall apart. sometimes you just have to focus on yourself for awhile to make things worth while again. the last month has been a the best month so far. uhm but ye i could go on talking bout my brother and i on here. but how bout we chat some time? anyone? :/

  3. My older sister Jen hung herself 9.3.16. 43 years old . 2 kids married 5 years. But we’ll never really know what happened thay day, whether it was a yell for help gone wrong or if she truly wanted to
    her life. I miss her so much words can’t describe my pain.

  4. i feel for everyone who has experienced this type of loss, you may not think it…..right now……..time is a healer…..connect with others who have had this happen to them. reach out to the world. our loved ones would wish us to be happy. its the most complex grief to encounter…..be gentle & loving to yourselves. love and peace to all who feel this grief xx
    one day at a time

  5. I lost my sister 13 years ago and still feel overwhelmed by that loss. It has changed everything. But in strange ways I feel her presence with me whenever it gets too much. I guess thats what happens with love… It never goes away. I pray your loved one is in peace and you all find it too.

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