I don’t know how to move on

My brother hung himself a few days ago. I was the one to find him. I still can’t believe it. I knew he was struggling with depression, but whenever I tried talking to him he would get mad. I tried telling my parents but that made him even more upset. Wherever he is, I want him to be calm and not feel the way he did these past few years. I wish this never happened and feel so sorry for him, because he had so much to offer. What I am mad about is the fact that he always had this ability to make random things he was passionate about happen… so it doesn’t make any sense whatsoever that he couldn’t pull through and win this war. He left us all heartbroken. There’s nobody that I could talk to because nobody can understand this. I never thought this would happen and I pray for my family’s health and well being. But I seriously have no idea nor clue how we’re going to get through this. I love my brother dearly and was always scared for his fragile soul. Hopefully he’s safe and happy now.

4 thoughts on “I don’t know how to move on

  1. I am going through the same, I know how you feel, my brother took his life on 11/29th its been a month and I am very heart broken… Two years ago he was diagnosed with MS and he refused to be sick, he started feeling the effects (felt weak, had difficulty walking/balance) he let go, lost his job, fell into depression and refused to hear or see any dr.. He was such a happy guy, outgoing, loved his twin boys (18yrs) had a great job but the last two years he lost everything BUT had the love of our family we loved him and were willing to do anything for him.. He stopped beleiving in God he was angry he kept saying “I have the solution” everytime we would try to make him understand that his situation had a solution but he gave up and on the morning of the 29th he shot himself.. he had been arguing with my mom that morning so not only are we devastated but he left our poor mom with guilt, she is beyond repair her heart will never mend. We were such a close family never ever argued he loved me and I adored and loved him.. The only advice I can offer you that has made my days a little better is to PRAY PRAY PRAY for their souls to be at peace, I do beleive they are in a better place! I also have been reading alot of stories on this site and also look at the “Faces of suicide” lots of families are going through this terrible tragedy “we are not alone”.. I am also going to a support group at the end of this month I will let you know if that makes me feel better.. May god give you the peace you deserve.. I am so sorry you are going through this I know its the worst feeling imaginable but with God we will get through it.

  2. Hi there,
    my brother did the same thing last friday. I feel guilt and pain. I love him too. I’ve been talking about it with as much people as I can and that has somehow helped me to just accept his decision. I had to work the day after his passing and My mother left town to go to his funeral. I spent the last days crying alone, but thats ok. I havent seen mom or any of my other brothers since then. Stay strong. And dont blame yourselves.

  3. Hello, My brother also killed himself Nov, 2017. My Mom discovered him and I still can’t believe he did it. He witnessed how my Sister and our Family suffered when my sister’s husband killed himself. I am sorry for your loss. Reading your letter is like what happened to our Family. I just went to Texas over Christmas so that our Family could return his ashes to his final resting place. I think of my Brother daily. So much of his life that was depressing him was getting better, but he could not get over his depression/mental issues. He would not believe that through his suicide he brought our Family together. My divorced parents were celebrating Christmas together. Growing up they couldn’t be in the same room together. I miss him so much! I hope he is looking down on us from above and is happy and at peace. Don’t blame yourself. You did all you could. God be with you and give you peace.

  4. I felt like you 6 months ago. Like a buoy in the ocean, lost. Time will heal. It will get better. I like coming here to read the posts. It makes me feel as if I’m not alone. We are a special group. You will have so many thoughts racing through your head. You will go through so many emotions. It’s all part of the healing/grieving process. Start a journal to write it all down. I did and I’ve never done that before. I go back and read my thoughts and you can see the progress you make. It let me vent to him and keep my thoughts in order. Talk to a close friend that knew both of you. They may not completely understand but it helps for you to get the crap off your shoulders. And finally, if you start to “drown” in all of this, find a grief counselor. I used one through the funeral home just once over the phone and it was amazing to just get some things off my mind. You are now a suicide survivor. Not something any of us thought we would be, but here we are. Things will get better and you will move on, even if it is slowly. Take your time and take care of yourself!!

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