Dustyn

Letters

You left us on December 15,2018 . Two days after my 26th Birthday . You were 24 years old . You took your own life. Too loose you is the worst pain I ever felt in my life. I am confused and in pain today. I miss you so much it hurts. I’m so scared that this pain will keep me down. I love you forever . There isn’t a day I don’t think about you. I feel angry and sad. Why did you leave us? I blame myself and everyone. It’s so hard without you here . I just want to be able give you a hug as long as possible . My birthday was the last time I saw you , my last hug, my last “ I love you” . It hurts . No words can express this feeling . I love you Dustyn

My Beautiful Sister

Guest Post

Still not accepted what has happened on May 2nd, my sister, mother of my 3 beautiful nieces and gorgeous nephew decided to end her life. I wish I onew how bad it was I wish she told me, she was always my rock and I just wish I could have been hers, I knew of the demons and I know she knew how much we all loved her, I just want to hold her and hear her voice, if I could hold her one last time I would never let her go, I would have dropped everythi g to help her and just wished she leaned on me more. My darling Sister.

Dear Aaron

Letters

Why? I struggle with this question everyday. Why did you do it? Why did you do it in my 40th birthday? I would have helped you. I’m broken man. YOU broke me. You broke my heart my spirit my mind. I really miss you man. I have so many questions with no answers. Did you know you would have this impact on me? Never been close to anybody that that until you hung yourself. I will never forget see you on the floor and at the funeral home. I don’t know what else to do. You are my little brother I’m supposed to go before you it was my job as a big sister to protect you you failed. Everybody misses you Mom Dad Shasta Darren he’s actually taking it pretty hard me the girls Dusty Dusty always a basket case we missed him up to man. We all love you. We all miss you. I wish I could follow you but I can’t. Can’t put mom and dad through that. Dad’s taking it rough mom hasn’t accepted anything yet she even had a stroke I’m so sorry I love you Aaron as long as I breathe I Will Always Love You and miss you I wish I could see you one more time even in a dream. I love you little brother!!!

My sister

Guest Post

Dear Sister,
I found out you were not physically on this earth 4 hours ago. I’m so confused. You messaged me just hours before. Why didn’t you tell me something?? I hope you know that I loved you . I’m sorry it had been so long since we saw each other. I feel so confused.

Missing you like crazy

Guest Post

There’s so much to say so many mixed emotions it’s been 19 long years and not a day feels different then the one before. I miss you so much I need you so much. My big bro my protector you’re suppose to be here to help me, see your nieces, have you own kids, help take care of Mommy and Daddy, just live a happy life. Some days are harder then others and I jus don’t know what to do but I have 2 girls looking up to me. I just wish you would’ve spoke to someone, your life was worth way more. This was not how life was suppose to go. I miss you so much. I’m having a hard day. I love you always Little sister Chucky

Forever changed

Guest Post

On April 18, 2019 my world has forever changed! You had SO much going for you! You where only 31.. We never seen it coming. You were always happy always the strong level headed one.. you were my big bubba. The one I looked up to when I needed advice or anything at that matter. I requested broken halos be played at your service.. I keep trying to relate to the song went is says.. don’t go looking for the reasons. Don’t go asking Jesus why. We’re not meant to know the answers. They belong to the by and by. But I keep asking why. I am at the point where I can hardly sleep, eat or even think straight. When I lay down all I can think of is you laying in that bed. Wondering what was your final thoughts? Are you at peace now? I know I am not alone and you are here with me. You are showing me day after day. I have never felt something so strong when you show me a sign. I use to try to find a logical reason behind it.. but there wasn’t any. It makes me a little at peace knowing you are okay and looking down on me.. Me and momma are doing our best with making sure everything you listed in your letters are taken care of.. I hope we are making you proud! My heart aches and feels so empty with out you here.. I am getting to the point at times I feel completely numb. And don’t know how to deal with the situation still. Just know that we love you and there is never a day that goes by that we don’t think of you. You will always be my bubba and I can’t wait to see you again!

Hey you

Letters

Hey you, can’t believe you actually did this. April 26th seems like it was yesterday. It’s been about 18 days, and I feel like it’s been forever now since I’ve heard your voice. I feel like you are going to call. Why’d you do it? Why didn’t you call me? I would have listened, you know I would have. I love you and I miss you. I can’t make sense of this. I’m still in shock.

My beloved brother

Guest Post

How did we get here? How am I on this site? I miss you so much it is unbearable. What does one do when you yearn for someone this much? Its been a year and I cannot shrug this grief that chokes me up every-time I think of you. My love I would have walked to the ends of the earth for you, but now its too late. And i’m just stuck trying to live a lifetime with only the memories of you. How is it possible to live with this kind of guilt? I pray you forgive me for not being there for you as you always have for me. I will always hate myself for not picking up your call.