To my big brother James

James I miss you so much, you are on my mind every minute of the day. Sometimes when I first open my eyes in the morning for that split second it feels like you are still in your room sleeping. The day you left you took a big part of me with you. I feel so empty without you. I feel like my depression and anxiety have been at an all time high since you’ve been gone. I only imagine that you felt this pain 10x more. It breaks my heart knowing that you were just in the room next door to me but you were dealing with so much pain and loneliness by yourself. I know it’s selfish of me but I wish I could rewind back to that last time I saw you and just give you a big hug and tell you how much I love you, maybe that would’ve been enough for you to stay but that wouldn’t have stopped the pain you endured everyday just living in this life. This life is hard and cruel and I don’t shame you at all for doing what you did. I am proud of you for choosing eternal happiness with god. You weren’t happy on this earth and god saw that and called for you. I know you are in a better place and I cant wait till you are opening the heavenly gates for me when my time comes. Please keep visiting me in my dreams James. I love you forever. watch over me and the family. Give chulo and shorty a treat for me.

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