I originally wrote this long message before deleting it. I wish we had parents who were capable of showing us healthy love and acceptance. Parents who took their mental health seriously. I get angry reading past articles following your passing and quotes of what mom and daddy said about mental health awareness. Meanwhile they let their mental health deteriorate and continue to cause destruction. As if your death wasn’t a lesson. I think it’s weird they take no part or think they factored in how you created your perception of your world. I have watched them be so evil and terrible to each other our whole lives.I WISH YOU WERE HERE. Why do some people attempt suicide survive and you didn’t? All I can wish is for you visit me in my dreams. That’s all I get from you now. It just doesn’t feel like enough. I love you so much Cheech, you were so good at masking it … death is so finite and my love feels alive more than ever. It’s been 9 years and it still feels like I’m grappling with you not being here.

Sometimes I stalk the internet, your facebook, old videos, to see what I missed. But I know it doesn’t matter now…