love you wehhee

Today makes a month and two days since you decided to leave and it hasn’t gotten any easier yet. I still hope and pray that you’re at peace and that you don’t have the pain that you had when you were here on earth.
I saw you in my dream tonight – it woke me up, because you were alive and seemed so close. we were together and you weren’t shut off to me like you were before you died. it was nice to think you were near to me for a little while.
I still barely sleep, but I’m starting to be able to more. same with eating. everywhere reminds me of you while I’m back home. it’s still so raw and unreal. people don’t really get it – I’ve been at NL this week and people will ask me how mom and dad are or about you and the memorial (ten days away) or they will say they’re sorry, but they don’t understand what it’s like for me when they say some of the things they say. it hurts.
I love you and I miss you so much. you’ll always be big brother. I still haven’t figured out what life is without you, but brother, I don’t think I’ll ever like it as much as I loved you. I’m terrified about losing em now that you’re gone (he loves you, too). say hi to ken for me <3 – maybe I’ll see you in my dreams again.

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