I Lost My Little Sister.

It’s been two weeks since my sister committed suicide. She was such a happy person and she was always very open about her feelings, I don’t understand how this could have happened. My mom says it’s because she had a tough year with her studies and couldn’t bear the news that she failed the first entry exam she took. She worked so much and didn’t even wait to see if she got in the others schools.
I feel like it still hasn’t fully sunk in yet. I thought her funerals would help me get out of my denial but there is still a part of me that can’t believe it. I hadn’t seen her in 10 months because I was studying abroad so I feel like I have no clear memories of her, all I have is some texts and blurry screenshots from our rare video calls. My mom tells me about all the things they did together this year and I feel like I missed on so much.
I also feel so guilty. I never showed her how much I loved her. We would have had to live together for money reasons if she got into the school she applied for in Paris because I was going to study here too. She knew I had a friend who was looking for a roomate and I wanted to live with them instead of her. She probably felt very hurt because of that and there’s no way it didn’t influence her wish to die. I’ll never forgive myself for this.

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2 Responses to I Lost My Little Sister.

  1. Echo says:

    I completely understand how that funeral felt. My sister took her life 4 weeks ago. I thought the funeral would solidify things, but I’m still in shock and can’t believe she is truly gone. I’m so sorry you are feeling this pain too. I miss my sister so much.
    I hope both of us make it through this. It’s great that you are getting your emotions out. You are not alone in this grief. There are people who understand you.
    I was 19 when my sister passed away, I’m 20 now. She passed a few weeks before my birthday. She was 23.

  2. Donal says:

    You can’t blame yourself but unfortunately you will. the survivors of suicide or the victims always go through the what ifs or maybes, but in the end you only end up losing your mind. my brother took his life and i wasn’t there to talk to him on the night. he knew i’d figure out his plans so he made sure he did it on a night we would all be busy, New years eve, so much like you, i go throught the maybes and what if’s. i’d trade my life for his if i could but sadly i cannot. it’ll take a while to come to terms with this. i would advise seeking counseling if you’re not already doing it and as Echo said, you are not alone in your grief. very sorry for your Family‚Äôs loss and of course your own.

    Donal

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