I Lost My Little Sister.

It’s been two weeks since my sister committed suicide. She was such a happy person and she was always very open about her feelings, I don’t understand how this could have happened. My mom says it’s because she had a tough year with her studies and couldn’t bear the news that she failed the first entry exam she took. She worked so much and didn’t even wait to see if she got in the others schools.
I feel like it still hasn’t fully sunk in yet. I thought her funerals would help me get out of my denial but there is still a part of me that can’t believe it. I hadn’t seen her in 10 months because I was studying abroad so I feel like I have no clear memories of her, all I have is some texts and blurry screenshots from our rare video calls. My mom tells me about all the things they did together this year and I feel like I missed on so much.
I also feel so guilty. I never showed her how much I loved her. We would have had to live together for money reasons if she got into the school she applied for in Paris because I was going to study here too. She knew I had a friend who was looking for a roomate and I wanted to live with them instead of her. She probably felt very hurt because of that and there’s no way it didn’t influence her wish to die. I’ll never forgive myself for this.

4 thoughts on “I Lost My Little Sister.

  1. I completely understand how that funeral felt. My sister took her life 4 weeks ago. I thought the funeral would solidify things, but I’m still in shock and can’t believe she is truly gone. I’m so sorry you are feeling this pain too. I miss my sister so much.
    I hope both of us make it through this. It’s great that you are getting your emotions out. You are not alone in this grief. There are people who understand you.
    I was 19 when my sister passed away, I’m 20 now. She passed a few weeks before my birthday. She was 23.

  2. You can’t blame yourself but unfortunately you will. the survivors of suicide or the victims always go through the what ifs or maybes, but in the end you only end up losing your mind. my brother took his life and i wasn’t there to talk to him on the night. he knew i’d figure out his plans so he made sure he did it on a night we would all be busy, New years eve, so much like you, i go throught the maybes and what if’s. i’d trade my life for his if i could but sadly i cannot. it’ll take a while to come to terms with this. i would advise seeking counseling if you’re not already doing it and as Echo said, you are not alone in your grief. very sorry for your Family’s loss and of course your own.


  3. My little brother took his life three weeks ago. My dad and I had found his lifeless body. He did it the night of my graduation as that was the only time my parents would both be gone out of the house. We were extremely close but, my brother was such a private person. It still doesn’t feel real, I moved back in with my parents during this time but, I can’t even walk past his room or go to my room. (We found him outside my bedroom window). I know it’s not my fault but, can’t help but, feel guilty from the day he was born I always protected him and I couldn’t from this. He didn’t do it because he was depressed he did it because of horrible dental pain. A dentist started work and wouldn’t finish since insurance wouldn’t cover anymore. His teeth all began to turn black and his mouth was full of infections and abscesses. He couldn’t bare the pain. I don’t even know how to move forward or where to begin. Everyone is so concerned with how my parents are that sometimes I feel overlooked. Everyday I struggle with the thought of how am I suppose to live my life for the next 60 years without my sibling. I feel bad to smile or have fun it just doesn’t feel right.

    1. Your brother would want you to live and to smile even though he can not. You did all that you could for him. I am sure that there are things you did for him which made his life safe that you don’t even realize that you did for him. It is not right for you to be overlooked. Your pain is just as real and terrible as anyone elses, maybe worse. There is nothing like sibling love. I hope you are okay. I am so sorry for your heartbreak. I lost my little brother and sister.

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