It’s been just over 8 months. I still feel just as stuck as the night you took your life. The first several weeks went by so fast. So many people in and out of the house. I just wanted them all gone so life could go back to “normal.” It never did and it never will.
No matter what I do, how late it is, how tired I am, my thoughts go to that awful night. Hearing your girlfriend call for help down the hall, saying that you had hung yourself. Seeing you there on our patio. Helping dad get you down. Trying to bring you back with the CPR I’ve practiced for years. I shake it off and turn the T.V. on.

You would have been such a great father and I wanted to be an aunt so much. I miss you all the time. Life is so hard now. I’m sorry you died in pain. I don’t believe in an afterlife and I know you didn’t either. So I hope you had a really nice dream before leaving forever. I read that might happen… I wish you could hear all the things I want to tell you all the time.
I love you Bubba.

Dearest big brother:
I love you. More and more everyday. Losing you has made me see the true depth of love. I miss you. It has been a year and two months, and I find myself more lost than I could have ever fathomed.
My whole life purpose I thought was to protect you. I was going to go to law school, to know the mental health laws- so I could make sure you were safe. Now I am left to do it all in your honor, and I can’t help feeling like is there even a point anymore? Nothing is going to bring you back.
I have never felt more stuck. Stuck in grief, stuck in loss, stuck in the memories. We had so much more fun things to do together. We were going to take our kids to disney world, we were going to do life together. I truly lost a best friend, my big brother.
I hope you are in the happiest place playing the drums, and beating with love. And my wish is that you would have known how talented and amazing you were. I wish we all took the time to tell you. I wish I could have spent more time with you. I love you so much. And i don’t know how my heart will ever heal without you.

It’ll be 7 years in May since my older brother demons got the worst of him. And I miss him a great deal, but I know he’s in Heaven with others who recently lost their battle with this disease helping them adjust. And even though some religions feel its a sin when someone takes their own life. I don’t agree with that, God loves all his children especially the ones who suffer a great deal from this disease, and sends them back into his arms.

I feel so weird writing on this website. This is something that is very unlike me-on the other hand doing something like committing suicide was very unlike you. I don’t know what happened, how we could have clearly missed all the signs. Now looking back it’s all so clear and that’s what I think upsets us the most. My brother Michael was 19 when he took his life on July 2, 2012. It was just shy of my 22nd birthday and I had just moved back home the month ago from graduating college. We were just starting to form our “adult” sibling relationship; less fighting, more joking around and now that’s all gone and I’m an only child after always having this little annoyance since I can remember. I know it’s almost been 5 years but missing you still comes in waves and I’ve noticed I have no desire to form a relationship with anyone. I don’t want a boyfriend, I don’t want a family, I just want to have my dog, my friends and parents to stay the way they are right now and I know that’s completely insane because I’m watching from the outside how all my friends are growing up, moving on with their lives and starting their own families and I feel like I’m still a 22 year old who just got sucker punched in the gut. I want to open my heart up and be happy on my own and not because of my medicine but I need you back and I know that’s not going to happen so I need you with me guiding me to a new breath of life. I love you Ze Mullet

I regret not being home for your last birthday. I went to a show that weekend. But it was the last time I could have seen you not in the hospital. I should have come home instead I will regret that for the rest of my life. The next week you went back into the hospital and I saw you there under supervision and we could only visit for an half hour it wasn’t long enough to tell you how much you meant to me and the week after that the day they let you out you killed yourself.

My younger brother took his own life 5 months ago this week. He died 4 days after his 20th birthday. He had been suffering from depression, anxiety, OCD, ADHD, autism and borderline personality disorder. As well as abuse from our father and his girlfriend leaving him for someone else.
Now it’s time to go back to university and i’m struggling everyday without him. People don’t understand. It’s hard to function. I miss him everyday. People say time heals wounds but it feels like its getting deeper and harder to go through each day.
I like to talk about him but then people get awkward and make me feel uncomfortable about it. Or if they do talk about him they say things like “he made his choice, that’s where he wants to be.” but i don’t agree. i think he wanted help, he did not realise what he was doing.
I’m trying to be brave for my mum and for my family but nothing seems to help.
I’m finding it so hard to relate to people and to find people to talk to. It’s something only a sibling of someone who has taken their own life can understand.
Does anyone understand?

I feel stupid putting this up here cuz we all have a very similar story, so thank you for allowing me this space! My little brother was only 17 he took his life 25th Jan this year! He had been struggling with mental health issues for about six month and was being a little s*** stealing off me, getting chucked out of college, loads of really out of character stuff. He even told me in August he had a voice in his head telling him to do things he didn’t agree with and we both spoke about it and thought it was just his ego, but he was clearly really ill. I just fought with him and sat in the room next to him every day for 6 month obsessing over my own problems when my baby brother’s losing it in the next room. I hate my self for not giving him more attention and asking him what he needed to feel ok! I know it’s not my fault but my brain just keeps going there.

My brother committed suicide 2 days ago…. our family is devastated to say the least….although I had helped him financially in oct/nov, I didn’t help him lately and for that I feel guilty…. we all feel guilty….my heart is just broken….

I have a feeling I am a lot younger than most people on here, but why does that matter? Nomatter what age you are, going through this isn’t easy, in fact it’s so painfully difficult that it can cause severe strains on us living our lives. My big sister left us 5years ago now, but being an unknowledgable 9year old girl, I didn’t really understand what had really happened or comprehended that I would never see my lovely sister again. Now, I have, and I feel extreme levels of grief as if I just lost her. My mood swings are extremely intense, I’ll go from being sad to confused to angry to completely numb. It’s so so nice to know that there are people out there that get what I’m going through, because it’s not easy and often, I feel alone. I love you Chiara and I will never stop missing you <3

A week ago my brother took his own life. He and I, as well as our older sister, have always been close. We all lived together. Despite being close, ive learned so much about him in this Last week. His girlfriend shot herself when they were sixteen, but I thought that he had moved on. He had a fiancé that loves him, and a stepson that meant the world to him. He also had a very bad drinking problem. My brother in law told me that he came home one night and found my brother sitting on the couch with my pistol laying next to him. Jeff looked at our brother in law and said,”it would have been so easy.” I can’t help but feel like, if I had known, I could have stopped him from actually going through with it. What I’ll never understand is why he used my gun. Of all the other guns in the house, of all the other ways he could have done it, why my gun? This week without him has been the hardest time in my life, and I have no idea how I am supposed to go on without him. I love you so much jeff, I will miss you every day.