Sailor mike

I feel so weird writing on this website. This is something that is very unlike me-on the other hand doing something like committing suicide was very unlike you. I don’t know what happened, how we could have clearly missed all the signs. Now looking back it’s all so clear and that’s what I think upsets us the most. My brother Michael was 19 when he took his life on July 2, 2012. It was just shy of my 22nd birthday and I had just moved back home the month ago from graduating college. We were just starting to form our “adult” sibling relationship; less fighting, more joking around and now that’s all gone and I’m an only child after always having this little annoyance since I can remember. I know it’s almost been 5 years but missing you still comes in waves and I’ve noticed I have no desire to form a relationship with anyone. I don’t want a boyfriend, I don’t want a family, I just want to have my dog, my friends and parents to stay the way they are right now and I know that’s completely insane because I’m watching from the outside how all my friends are growing up, moving on with their lives and starting their own families and I feel like I’m still a 22 year old who just got sucker punched in the gut. I want to open my heart up and be happy on my own and not because of my medicine but I need you back and I know that’s not going to happen so I need you with me guiding me to a new breath of life. I love you Ze Mullet

2 thoughts on “Sailor mike

  1. I know what your going through because about 3 years ago i lost my best friend/brother and i didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye and it hurt so much i didn’t know what to do. And i still don’t know what to do. i just wish that he would have told me how he was feeling because maybe if he would have i could have helped him because i knew what he was going through. And know my oldest brother is thinking about suicide and im scared i will lose him too. i just wish i could bring my brother back and at least say goodbye. I miss matt so much its not even funny.

  2. Your life will go on and happiness will come back. It might take a little while but it will. I lost my brother 40 years ago, for the first year I missed him constantly, I would go to the cemetery and sit and talk to him for what seemed like hours. He was my oldest brother and everything I wanted to be and he was gone and I had no one to talk with about him. Suicide wasn’t something you talked about back then. But the hurt eases, it never goes away but it lessens and you’ll find someone who’ll put happiness back in your life. At that time I didn’t think it would, but it did. I still miss my brother Jimmy all the time but it’s the good memories I think of now. So, I’ll wish you peace in your life and happiness in your future. Good luck.

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