One week ago today you woke up feeling like you have no purpose. Feeling like you didn’t want to live another day. I had no idea you were in such a dark place. I had no idea you wanted to die so desperately. I had no idea because I was so consumed in my own life. I didn’t ask you about yours. I didn’t think about your problems or your sadness. I only thought about my own. I always think I just have to get thru today. Well you couldn’t get thru it last week. You couldn’t go thru one more day. I wish I felt your sadness. I wish I had know your pain. I wish I had told you I love you. I wish I had helping you just get theu the day. I wish your only sibling wasn’t a selfish little sister like me.
Can we be best friends? Can we be sisters when we meet again? I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I loved you.

Dear Sister,
Today you would have turned 26. I can’t believe it’s been 11 years since I’ve seen you. I’m so sad that you’re not here. I know it was partially my fault. It was all of our fault. I had a dream that night. I dreamed demons were surrounding someone…lying to her…trying to make her go into the water. I woke up knowing I needed to go to the back porch at Moms, I didn’t know who or why just that I needed to stop the demons from destroying our family- our parents. I couldn’t go back to sleep. I didn’t go. I didn’t know how to explain to my husband why I was leaving the house so late. I didn’t know where my keys were. I had an overwhelming urge to smoke a cigarette. I sat on the porch and cried, prayed I wouldn’t ever want to kill myself. I never went to rescue you like I was supposed to. I will never forgive myself for failing you.
I find solace knowing that the Bible says blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God.
Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen.

In 2005 I lost my eldest brother..heart attack Feb. My 3rd eldest brother by suicide in Nov. 10 months to the day of our eldest. Yesterday my 2nd eldest committed suicide. I must be in shock! Ive cried all day..I cant get my head around this..thank you for listening

Hello, I have been bestfriends with my bestfriend for 8 years and have been living with him and his family (mum, dad and older brother) for the past 2 years and consider them to be my family. Last week my bestfriends brother hung himself on the tree in our back garden, his dad found him and his brother tried to bring him back to life but it was too late. My heart aches for my bestfriend and his parents, this house feels haunted somehow. I understand grief stays with us forever sometimes and it’s the price we pay for love. If anyone has any advice I would love to hear it. I haven’t stopped hugging my bestfriend, I constantly tell him how much I love him and that I will always be here for him.

Happened July 13, 2018, he’d been living with me because his home burned down, he was going through a divorce, and charged with arson. I sold all my jewelry, my grandmothers wedding ring, my diamonds and pearls, to get him out of jail. I brought him to my home, he had no clothes, no shoes, i bought him some, i bought him a bed, food etc. There were no signs, we thought he was outside walking, well, walked in master bedroom be there he laid. I can’t even go in my own home now, this was selfish… Not sure i can forgive him, not now, he hurt me real bad, he took an easy way out and left me to clean his mess, i love him and miss him and truthfully don’t think it has even really hit me yet, there are so many feelings!! How do you cope, how do i go back to my home, who pays for repairs in my roof where bullet went through , and the biggest question, WHY????

Serg I realized that I did not write you on the 7th month since you have been gone. Did I forget about you? I will never ever forget you, I think about you night & day and find myself talking to you every day. Not a minute goes by that I dont think about you and if for whatever reason I dont, I have the constant reminder when I see our poor mom suffering, she cries for you every day, I see her sad eyes and it breaks my heart. She said that the only thing keeping her alive is her love for me, Tony & our dad… She wants to go with you. Our family is such a good loving family, why would you force us to be unhappy and suffer for the rest of our lives? You had all the support in the world, money wasn’t so important to destroy a family that loved you with all their heart! I can’t bring you back & trust me if I had 1 wish that would be it but I know its impossible, I know we have to wait until its our turn for god to take us and only until then I will see you again but until then my brother I will cry & miss you all my life here on this earth and will never ever forget you.. BTW we spent time with your boys, they too are devastated, 19 years old a lifetime ahead without their dad, so unfair… I do believe that God has a better plan for us & that this immense pain we feel is going to serve a purpose.. Love your sis always… Gosh what I would give to hear you say “Love you sis” like you always did… ):

I wish I had said I love you more than I did
I wish I had said I am proud of you more than I did
I wish I had known you better than I did
I wish I had treated you kinder than I did
I wish I had spent more time with you than I did
I wish I had visited with you more than I did
I wish I had called you more than I did
I wish I had talked to you more than I did
I wish I had listened to you more than I did
I wish I had cherished you more than I did
I wish I had hugged you more than I did
I wish I had appreciated you more than I did
I wish I had understood you more than I did
I wish I had helped you more than I did
I wish, I wish, I wish,
I wish more than anything that you were still here so
I could make all my other wishes come true
Love, your sister Terri

Subject: To my dead brother

Why did you have to commit suicide? What about your son? And your family? Everyone was crying and a bunch of people came over and are coming over. Who am I suppose to play pubg with? Brittney is too lame. The dogs especially Marley misses you. We all miss you. Why did you do that? Have to have dad kick down the door and for them to see you like that? I didn’t want to see you so I stayed in my room but I came out and saw your dead body. Everyone is worried on Facebook and we have to find money for your funeral. Committing suicide is a selfish act and you hurt everyone especially mom and dad to loose their own child. Please come back if you can. I can’t stop crying on and off… I don’t know what to say. – Tori / Sugar

Subject: Lost my brother to suicide – Year on from that awful day I am struggling to cope

My only brother who was 2 years older then me took his own life by hanging himself on 11th August 2018. He was the funniest, kindest, quirkiest person I’ve ever known. He had tried to save our family friend from dying after inhaling butane when he was 17 and wasn’t the same since – always keeping his feelings to himself.
I was absolutely devastated to lose my only brother and being an only child hasn’t only left a whole in my heart but still almost doesn’t feel real. The fact that we lived quite far away from each other when I was 14 maybe has this effect that I will still visit him soon. Months after I was coping – meeting new friends, finding more work and trying to carry on with my life.
Now its almost a year on I am going downhill – taking recreational drugs and drinking more then I should. Overtime things start to go well, everything seems to crumble and I lose control. Almost feels like a ‘one step forwards, two steps back’ situation.
I still gave hope but it’s difficult. I just want to reach out and say to people; be strong and speak to others, I can understand the hurt and pain that other victims and family members would be feeling. Love to all and always know there is ALWAYS someone that cares.

Subject: Trauma

My 48-year-old sister jumped to her death on Thursday morning after decades of battling complex trauma. I’m still numb. I wrote this poem in her memory.
TRAUMA
I always thought you’d die before most other people did;
and then it happened, but not like most other people do.
When we were young, I’d stare out the window at the darkness;
too frightened to wonder where you were,
praying you’d die peacefully in your sleep
from an overdose
because it would be better than dying afraid
at the hands of yet another creep;
Now you’ve died afraid
at the hands of the creeps
who never left your head,
and the ones who run a world where the cards were stacked against you from the start.