A month since

Yesterday it was a month since i found you hanging in the garden. I’m still in so much shock. You were only 19, you had so much left. My older brother. I loved you, even though you were a pain in the backside sometimes! I miss you so much. There’s been a hole torn out of my heart. When I’m in school, I can’t focus, I feel overwhelmed. I can’t go into the dark anymore because I end up having panic attacks, because being in the dark brings me back to that night. I feel like I have no one to talk to, because I don’t want to upset my parents, but I have so much weighing me down with sadness. I miss you at dinner, trying to get the biggest plate. I miss you calling me all those annoying names. I miss hearing you singing along and dancing to the music in your headphones. It doesn’t even feel like you’re truly gone yet. I’m not sure if the grief has fully hit me.

One thought on “A month since

  1. Hey, first I was to say I understand how you feel, you are definitely not alone although it may seem that way at times. My brother hung his.self also but I my barn, he was 3 years younger than me and was 25 at the time, I want to say I felt the same as you do about being scared of the dark because i felt the same way I was so scared to walk outside at night or even passed my backdoor at night cause I was always scared I would see him, it was a horrible feeling foe the first 6 months, but it does get better, even though it seems like it won’t, that fear about the dark will go away it takes time. Its been almost 2 years aince my brother passed, I know your loss is still fresh, and my thoughts are with you!

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