Yesterday it was a month since i found you hanging in the garden. I’m still in so much shock. You were only 19, you had so much left. My older brother. I loved you, even though you were a pain in the backside sometimes! I miss you so much. There’s been a hole torn out of my heart. When I’m in school, I can’t focus, I feel overwhelmed. I can’t go into the dark anymore because I end up having panic attacks, because being in the dark brings me back to that night. I feel like I have no one to talk to, because I don’t want to upset my parents, but I have so much weighing me down with sadness. I miss you at dinner, trying to get the biggest plate. I miss you calling me all those annoying names. I miss hearing you singing along and dancing to the music in your headphones. It doesn’t even feel like you’re truly gone yet. I’m not sure if the grief has fully hit me.