January 3, 2019 changed my life for the worst. The day started off with worry anyway. My 12 year old nephew (my sister’s  son) was having gallbladder surgery. And to top it off it was my sister’s birthday. Well after they got to come home, my little brother Lance sat on the back of the 4 wheeler and put a shot gun to his head and killed himself. The worst part of it was my sister and another brother and my brother Lance’s 4 year old daughter and his wife were all outside with him when he shot himself.

Now this is where it gets even worse. The brother T is also a kidney dialysis patient and isn’t doing good at all. So not only did I lose my littlest brother, I’m also going to lose my brother T. I live 4 hrs away from them and just didn’t know anything like this was going on. I have so many questions that will never be answered. Why didn’t Lance just get a divorce? How did I not know all this was going on? I just can’t understand any of this.

It has exactly been 2 years since you’ve left this earth but why does it feel like everything happened yesterday? I’ve replayed the moment of finding your helpless body in my head, over and over. I’ve spent a lot of time over these two years, coming to the actualization that your physical body is gone but knowing that your soul is around and watching over me. You were my older beautiful sister that I’ve always admired and looked to as a role model. No one would have thought you were going through the unimaginable. I’ve always stood by your side but a part of me feels guilt. Thinking I could’ve convinced you not to take your own life and fight your battle with me, mom and dad as your supporters. Something I’ve realized is even with constant help and love, it’ll never change an individual feelings deep down. Mental illness is a real thing and a challenge to overcome. Some win the battle, other lose.

Some days are better than others with distracting myself with school and work but others I fall to my knees and cry uncontrollably. Why take such a beautiful soul? We weren’t done appreciating, loving and caring for you.

I talk too you all the time, Samantha. Having the slightest hope that you’re listening and realize how much me, mom and dad miss you. Life will never be the same.

My brother committed suicide one month ago today. We don’t learn of this until his body was found in his apartment one week after he shot himself. Some friends became worried when they did not hear from him and called the police. He had struggled with depression for many years and often withdrew from us.

Because he was adopted into our family at the age of six, he had significant attachment issues which people did not understand fifty years ago. He was my big brother and I loved him with all my heart. I miss him terribly. Our whole family is devastated. My father died of an aortic aneurism over 30 years ago, and my brother never fully recovered from that loss. He married but the marriage didn’t last. He had no children.

He served in the military for six years, then returned to our hometown and established a landscaping business. He had to give that up when his health became compromised due to excessive use of alcohol and cigarettes. He was brave and he tried so hard to overcome his addictions and his pain, but I guess the voices in his head telling him his life was worthless became louder than those telling him how very loved he was.

So many people have shared with us the wonderful things that he did to help them. He has left behind many, many broken hearts, but also beautiful memories that will never die. R.I.P., Bobby. Your baby sister, three big sisters, mom, nephews, nieces, brothers-in-law, and scores of friends love and miss you like crazy.

It’s been 3 days since your body was discovered, but you passed a week before this. I thought you was in safe hands but it seems not. You cried out so many times you’d take your own life, even attempted it failing. This time you succeeded. I feel the system failed you and so did I 🙁 . I love you Emma and I hope the suffering is no more . Dance in the sky … xx

I miss my little brother so much. He took an overdose just over a year ago. He was always the cool, funny one. He was always my favourite. He was so creative an clever and used to make me really nice things. Candlesticks, a carved stone, drawings…. Really thoughtful person. I just miss him a lot.
I keep thinking though, of every time I said something that hurt him. Or made him sad. Things when we were children and when we were older. He was really sensitive I think. And I keep feeling so incredibly guilty for leaving him alone when I left home. Home was always pretty claustrophobic and when I left, about 9 years ago now, I somewhat selfishly sunk myself into a new life, and didn’t speak to my family much including him and I dont know why. It was round about that time that he started to get depressed. I wish he knew that I really loved him and was proud of him so much.
I always thought he was going to be just fine, that he would pull through. I imagined him hanging out with me and my friends, us being older and having our own houses. I always pictured him in my life.
And then I feel so guilty because maybe I didn’t take it seriously enough. He tried once before and I told myself it was a cry for help and he didn’t really mean to do it. I didn’t listen enough. I wasn’t kind enough. I didn’t listen enough. Wasn’t there enough.
I loved him so much, but I never really made sure he knew. Did he know?? I’ve no idea. I just miss him a lot and hate that he felt so alone and stuck. I hate that I left him alone all those years ago, and just was waiting for the point that he would follow, but it was too long.
I also keep wondering things I can’t know the answer to… Was he abused in that time? Did something really bad happen? I keep having dreams where something has happened to him and I haven’t helped him.
I miss him so much.

I lost you. On April 9, you disappeared from my life. You were my only sister, and may have been the only person on the planet that would know the real me. To think that you were alone and afraid torments my every waking thought. I am so afraid that I cannot recover, and simultaneously afraid to recover. Everything I loved seems meaningless. The things we shared are impossible to forget, yet I am grasping for each memory, terrified to lose even one. Facing the night is just a horrible segue to an even more painful day. I miss you.

It’s been 3 days since we found him. No note, no real reason. He’s just gone! The unanswered questions will haunt me. Not knowing why and why now? How could you leave your son who desperately needed you. How? He’s just…just gone.

My significant other’s brother took his own life last week. He is struggling, and I’ve done my best to be there for him but I feel I am failing him.
He says he feels lost, does not want to go on, and seems to just be in a haze. They were close when they were younger, but rarely saw each other as adults, both now in their late 30s. Their father passed away some time ago but their mother survives, and since this happened she has not been kind to my SO. I do understand that she is also hurting, but I fear she is doing a great deal of harm. That said, I don’t think it would be beneficial to point out the toxicity his mother is bringing to the table.
I have gathered information for him about counseling options and made sure he knows I am here whenever he needs me. So far he has refused counseling services, and I do not believe he has done any research on coping with the situation, even though he has acknowledged he is not okay. What else can I do for him?

My brother took his life on Dec 6th 2018. My last msg from him was 1 day prior, it simply said “Hello” It was late at night & he would often muck about with silly msgs so i decided to leave till morning. I replied “Hi :)” I never got a reaponse. There was no way of knowing i would never here from him again.
I had planned to hang himself at work on a remote minesite… and that he did. Leaving our entire family shocked, hundreds of friends in disbelief.
Four months have passed and i still find trouble comprehending my best friend, my only full blood brother is gone forever. We lived in different states of Australia & only saw each other a few times a year, but always kept in contact. But he was booked to arrive to stay with me on Dec 24th for Christmas with the family :(.
I knew he was depressed but no one! Knew that he would take his own life…. He was grieving fpr a friend who passed, and our mum died 2 years ago… also a relationship break up, money troubles etc but these where all things we spoke about regularly.
I will love him forever, he is very much apart of me, we share the same blood. Oneday when its my time we may meet again ♡ until then i will celebrate him and remember the good times we had growing up ♡♡♡

I guess it’s Siblings day… It’s been nearly three years since my only brother ended his life. Since his death, I’ve finished my Master’s degree, gotten a career job at my dream school, turned 30 and finally moved out of our parents’ house. I do what I can to keep moving forward, even when I’m exhausted. I can’t become stagnant. So I keep pushing to better my life. But I can’t help but think that my happiest days might be behind me because all the good stuff is tainted with the thought that I don’t get to share it with my brother or the guilt that I get to have things that he can’t have anymore. So I’d trade it all back in a heartbeat to have my brother back. Living under the same roof, stressing over money and work. Even with all the good I’ve tried to make for myself, I miss my old life. I try not to dwell on these thoughts for too long but I just needed to vent as I scroll through everyone’s posts on social media about their siblings.