The last call is all I try to remember. The smile on your face and your laughing face. The way you smiled at your nieces and nephew. Harmony still ask if you can play Roblox with her. We still wait for your call. 02/02/2026 is a day I will never forget. I still look at our messages asking where I went wrong. I am wondering if I failed you. Seeing you in that casket wasn’t what I was ready for. I hate being selfish but I want you back. I know you are not in pain anymore. We have to figure out how to live without you but it’s not easy. We love you and we miss you babygirl. Forever 15
~ Autumn your older sister who will die just so you can come back

When the world is dark, and the black hole is all consuming.When it seems like it’s easier to fall into a deep sleep. Or to just fall down and not get up.

When the effort to escape is exhausting.

I am there with you.

I am climbing out of the black hole with you, pushing you up and out. I am jumping off the cliff with you to land on a giant foam bed, safe and unharmed. The sun feels nice here. The breeze is soothing. No where else we need to be but in this stillness.

I know what it’s like to have sleep call your name. I’ve wanted her to hold me too. Multiple times. Don’t listen. Please stay.

I am caring for my pain beside you, as you care and bandage yours. If you run out of energy imagine my hug. The same when we were children. Warm and silly. I am still here little brother, I am hugging you even when I’m not there. I am giving you my energy meter. You can rest on my shoulder. I know you’re tired. Let it out. Breathe.

I know the pain is excruciating and tiring. Release it onto me, and hate me if you must. Just accept the help.

Remember that the feeling of overwhelming gloom is not forever. The pain will dull itself over time and the hard parts will be done and long gone. Don’t let her consume you. You’re so much stronger deep down. I know you’re there little brother. Don’t quit.

It’s okay you can collapse into my arms, I got you now little brother. You are safe. You are going to be okay. You are safe. I’m here. I am here for you always. Nothing else matters, block out the noise, you are going to be okay. I’m here for you. Please accept our help.

You matter. All versions of you are still you and I will always love you. Please stay.

I am so sorry to have caused you any pain. And for everything I didn’t do that I should have done. On behalf of our entire family, I apologize for it all.

I think of you every day.

I love you so much.

Your sister

I was a bit skeptical about this site but it’s been less than a week since I lost my older brother. I’m having a hard time processing my grief and it’s still a shock that he’s gone. I’d like to know how/what helped you cope with the sudden loss of a loved one and the feelings of guilt (please don’t say I shouldn’t feel guilty- I know I shouldn’t and I’ve heard that countless times). Thank you for allowing me to share.

It will be 9 years as of March 24th, 2017, since you ended your life.Many tears have been shed and life goes on without you.

All it takes are certain songs to remind me of you.
It’s our dialogue, which continues although your breath in this world does not.

I see you in the sky, when I see a retail hawk or the bald eagles flying along the Hudson River.

I have to be the strong one and the eldest one now that you are gone.

May I always be available for your grown children and mine.

May I keep and share the memories of my older brother, Tom with tears of joy.

Forever grateful to have had you as my brother.

Tomorrow. When the sky lightens in the a.m., you will have been gone for 2 years.Just yesterday, I was driving down the highway and Alice looked over at me and said; “Isn’t that the place we met the Coroner when we picked up your brother’s things?”. I looked over and realized where we were. Then, it dawned on me how terrible that day was.

As we drove on I started remembering how sad we were two years ago, and at the same time realized life goes on. I don’t beat myself up anymore wondering what I could have done to help you. Thinking you taking your life was my fault. On January 9, 2024, I felt guilty thinking I could have done more. Sitting here on January 8, 2026, I have found peace in my life. Alice, my brothers and sister, and my friends have helped me along the way.

I will always miss you and will always love you little brother. Until we meet again.

I have 7 siblings. 4 sisters and 3 brothers. We have been shattered by suicide. November 2013 my beautiful baby sister attended a birthday party for my daughter. She seemed sad and told me she was sad. I did not take the time to talk. She took her own life the next day. The last words I said to her was I love you as she drove away. The wake of devastation that has rippled through our family since that day has been un-measursble. All of my siblings, myself included have pretty much had to deal with this without any professional help. We’ve just muddled through. There are no words to describe the plethora of complex emotions and pain, emotional and yes physical pain. What the hell are we supposed to do? 2016 my brother took his own life as well….it was too much! He left behind a daughter, who wants nothing to do with our family anymore. Our Mom passed away from cancer last year. She lived with it for 10 years. I honestly believe she developed cancer trying to deal with the loss of my sister. I lay in bed tonight reflecting on all of this and I am in utter disbelief that all of this has happened. What do we do? What do I do?

I don’t remember my deceased brother as if he hasn’t existed. We went to many concerts together, and shared so many experiences. We were best friends and I lost most of my memories of him. I can only well remember his last day. Is it normal? to forget your loved one via trauma? Have you experienced anything alike?

Jayden,

Though we were not biologically related, you were my full-blooded big brother no matter what. I haven’t been able to process the immense loss we have all been experiencing since you decided to end things. I feel numb constantly, like I can’t feel these emotions because I feel guilty that I was not more concerned about you the night your mom and other sister told me you ran off.
I couldn’t comprehend you ever doing such a thing, I had no idea you were hurting so greatly and I hate myself for that. I would do anything to have you back here with us. You visit me a lot in my dreams. I don’t know if it’s actually you trying to give me a message from beyond the grave, or if it’s my nocturnal mind’s way of telling me I need to process this. You always have such a comforting, happy presence in my dreams, and I am so grateful everytime I get to see you. I miss you constantly Jay. You were an angel on earth, and I am so angry you didn’t get the life you deserved to live. You deserved the big family you always talked about wanting to start, and how you wanted to be a marine biologist. I hate that I am now older than you were when we lost you. I wish you were still here so I could tell you everything that’s happened recently. I moved out of state, and finally broke up with that guy that you didn’t like. I met a really nice man and we are building a wonderful life together. I wish that you could come stay with us here, you would love the forest and the lakes near us, and the beach too. I am angry that you were treated so poorly by others that you felt it was your responsibility to stop that by ending your life. I am angry at your ex girlfriend every day, and my stomach flipped upside down when she showed up to your funeral practically making out with your cousin. I hate her, but I’m trying to make peace for her in my heart because that’s what you always did. Our peacemaker. I love you buddy. I hope there is a heaven, so that I can see you again and hear your silly jokes

This is for my little brother Clyde. Unfortunately he committed suicide in February 22 2024. Clyde attended Alton School went to elementary school and up to high school. He loved video games and food, and he seek a professional career as a truck driver while his last moments on earth. He also have 6 siblings an older sister, myself, and younger siblings. He leaves behind his father and mother, and 3 nephews 4 nieces.