I was house sitting five days prior to my brother’s death. My mom and i don’t get along, so i stayed at my aunts house to get away. The day he was supposed to come over and swim was the day i woke up to 49 missed calls from my mom. I can’t even remember the last thing I said to him. If I had been home, I would have noticed something was wrong. I could have stopped him, but I wasn’t.

Even though it has been several years since I lost my brother to a self inflicted gunshot, it still feels like yesterday. We were extremely close. After my father passed, he took the role of father figure but he was also my mentor, and best friend. He was a jokester and liked to play pranks on me. I could talk to him about anything. He moved to Florida and soon after I joined him and I moved there with my best girlfriend. He had a business where he did auto body and I ended up taking a job there with him. I noticed that he was changing a bit. I found out he had started using drugs and drinking heavily. He was so good at his job and several large car dealerships used his services. Even though he was extremely busy, he seemed to never have money or able to pay his bills. One day we were hanging out and he didn’t work that day. He was drinking a lot. He told me that he had a gun to sell but he had it hidden at my mother’s house in a safe. He asked me to go get it for him and he waited in the car. I went in, got the gun and all the ammunition for him. He said he wanted to go to the pawn shop to sell it but needed to stop at his house first. One of his friends was driving, he was in the passenger seat, and I was in the backseat. He turned around and looked at me with a sadness I have never seen, a tear was rolling down his cheek. He turned back around and I said nothing. I didn’t know what to say and had no idea that this day was going to be the last time I ever got to talk to him or try to comfort him. We went to his house, his friend was going to the store and coming back. My brother walked into his house and 5 minutes later came back out. I had my back to him when he came out but heard the screen door slam behind him and then I turned around. In that moment I turned toward him, I saw the gun go up to his temple and he pulled the trigger. I just started screaming for help. I went to him trying to give him CPR and saw the tears rolling down his face. I was just screaming for help when 6 cruisers pulled up with guns drawn on me. They pushed me down into the grown and handcuffed me and told me not to move. I was paralyzed at that moment from the fear and shock and lifted my head to scream again but nothing came out. I watched my brother take his last breaths alone – they wouldn’t let me go to him. The next time I saw him was on a gurney in the hospital with a plastic tube in his mouth. I broke down and all I remember is the hospital staff yelling at me to be quiet because of the other patients could hear me.

I lost my little brother to suicide on August 7th of this year. He lost his long battle with mental illness and depression. He was 29. We were best friends, we had twin souls and he was the absolute light of my life. I loved him more than I could ever put into words. I see a lot of siblings on here writing about grief, “what-if’s”, all the things they think they could have done. This breaks my heart. Everyone, please don’t take offense to this but please know that it had nothing to do with you. It was a choice that was made by your brother or sister and there’s nothing, not one thing, you could have done to prevent God from taking one of his angels. Sadly it was the plan. We will all be okay though. Keep remembering the positive things about them, don’t harp on the negatives. We are all survivors. Now let’s all stand up and go do what they would want us to do, be happy!

My brother reached out and called me the day of his suicide. I ignored his call because I was out with someone and thought only about myself. I was the first person he had called and the closest to him and I did not pick up. I was always by his side when he needed me and I loved him more than it is humanly possible. We were inseparable. Yet he passed away broken hearted and alone thinking he was a burden to me and I did not love him. I replay that day in my head a million times over. I know for certain if I had spoken to him it could have been different. Instead I’m stuck here in the bottom of a black hole. Unable to crawl out of this deep guilt and despair that’s been clinging on to me for years. On the exterior I appear the same as the person I was before this, but inside I feel completely and utterly hollow. Numb at the new reality. How does anyone have the will to live with this type of insurmountable guilt?

My older sister, 2 years older than me took her life at the end of 2017. She always appeared confident and proud to everyone, walking with her shoulders back and neck tall in the hallways and charming everyone she met. I’ve always been the quieter sister that stresses over everything and now that she’s gone, I’ve suddenly started to become her. She was reckless and did things on impulse but she always found
a way to make things thrilling like staying up in the dark playing video games or spending a whole day playing lame chess and card games when our parents cut the internet.
I don’t know how to get through highschool without her, I miss all the kick-a** advice she gave me and all the times she toughened me up in our petty little insult battles. I’ve somehow started to become her but it doesn’t feel right, like I’ve been forced to fill the gap that’s left in my parents hearts and in my own heart by becoming her because I need her guidance so badly.
Sometimes I wish she told me because despite us always bickering, it was always us against our parents and now it feels lonely and hopeless for me now that she’s left. I really wish I could have gone with her.. but I know how much damage that would cause and that everyone has the right to live out their life the way they want.

It marks nearly 4 months (since May 25/26) since you departed from here.
I am constantly reminded by that night, where I found you asleep. You had your meds, alcohol lying around. You were listening to music peacefully, and had the window with the cold wind.
Simply thinking you were cold from the wind, I didn’t realize that your body was cold and lifeless. You were vibrant that day, and was outgoing, and we even shared a 2 hour conversation before I left to meet with my friend.
I can’t believe your last words to me was I love you too
You didn’t reach out to us, and I honestly feel like we were left in the dark. I knew you were going through things, but I did not realize the severity of your pain and your darkness. I wish we could have done more to guide you out of that darkness.
I constantly think about that night, and my suicidal urges, and the will to live. But you have given me a reason to live, and I will do what is right to fulfill my needs.
Thank you for being my role model and my mentor. When my time comes, I wish I can see you again and reminisce on the good times we had growing up. For now, I realize that life is sacred and I should cherish it.
Love you Rome.

I was looking for a place to go and vent my feelings. I was looking for a support group but found this site. Here goes my story. My brother just killed himself on August 15th. My dad was the one who found him hanging in the garage. We had no clue about what he was going to do. He left no note. He got out of rehab 3 months to the day we buried him. I spent the most amount of time with him and I was blindsided. I am still grieving and have no clue as how to go on. We were the closest in age just 2 years apart. We grew up together and went to school together and shared the same vehicle. I got his death certificates in the mail today and I have been upset all afternoon. I miss him every day. I miss him coming to my house almost every day. I miss him telling me “come on we got s*** to do”

My little brother passed away 9/4/19. I was in disbelief when I heard the news. My heart ached so much. I started to regret not spending more time with you. I was angry I didn’t take you with me when I came to visit. I just didn’t think you liked girly things and I didn’t want to bore you. I wished I’d created more memories of you. I regret so much not being about to connect with you like you connected with your close friends. I can’t imagine how sad and lonely you must have felt about life, the world, and insignificant. You have no idea, but I had plans to do and take you places with me and support you along the way. I’d wish you gave me a chance to get to know you. I tried hard to be there and listen to you. Idk if I was the only one that ever tried to reach out to you, but I hope you knew your family loved you so much. Your friends adored you. You made an impact on people’s lives and I wished you saw that before you left us. Ik you probably felt leaving a letter would bring more harm than good, but it would have been some kind of closure for us to understand WHY you left us. I love you so much and I don’t want you to be lonely wherever you are. I wish you come to visit me in my dreams. Sometimes, I wish you’d come back to take me with you. I’m left with so much anger in me, I have no way to deal with it. I’m not the same without you anymore. I just want you to know, you were never alone, and that I would have tried much harder to keep you alive had I known you were feeling like it wasn’t worth it anymore. I just want you back. I just want to come home and see you on your bed. I just want to go back in time when you were little and relive those happy moments. Wait for me. I’ll see you again.

Until October of 2018, I took everything for granted. It’s really true, you don’t know what you have till you lose it. I never in a million years thought my brother would leave like this. I never was aware of his mental battel with extreme anxiety disorders. Everything was a complete shock to me. The worst part is that I still have no letter, no explanation, no closure. I wish I could have helped, I wish I could have known, and I wish this never happened. My soul, my heart, my everything is missing because I lost my life long best friend. The only thing I am sure of in this world is that I will make a difference, I will help others with mental health disorders. I know he would be proud and I know he is always watching from above. I love you with all my heart brother. I miss you everyday <3

I lost my brother to suicide last summer (2018). He suffered from alcoholism and had many previous suicide attempts, so sadly his death in this manner was not completely unexpected, although still shocking and difficult to grieve. After my brother’s suicide, I found myself worrying a lot about since this was my genetic brother, maybe was I capable of getting this depressed and troubled myself? My question to all of you is did you ever worry about this? I came across someone on some random youtube saying that they heard that if you lose a sibling to suicide you are 50% more likely to become suicidal yourself. This was shocking and scary to me. I feel partially angry at my brother for committing suicide if this is the case. I don’t want to worry like this!