Spencer, my big brother

I love you Spencer. Since May 2nd I haven’t ever slept a whole night, and my friends think I look tired and don’t function right because I am busy with sports and school ( I ran in state track for you, even though it was hard). I don’t have enough strength to tell them and I’m not positive I should.
I wish mom knew that I was going through the same thing, everyone worries about her the most. They don’t realize that I lost a brother, partner in crime, friends, and most importantly: a chunk of my heart. Mom says she has a hard time but she forgets about me, she says “My life is hard enough right now, and I don’t need it any harder”. She says it like I didn’t go through the same thing. Nobody asks if I am sleeping well because they know mom is on medications for everything. I wish you didn’t leave us, you make everything better. You thought of me, even when all the attention was on something else. I miss you, I love you. I just want my big brother back. Love, Your little sister

 

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4 Responses to Spencer, my big brother

  1. Mandy says:

    I’m so sorry you lost your brother. It must hurt so much. Especially because he could see you. Please consider letting a special friend know how you’re feeling. Mine has carried me and lifted me up on bad days and is there for just me. Let your friends help–they want to and that’s what they’re for. You don’t have to try to be strong for anybody else.

    It’s ok to ask for help–doctor may have ideas to help you sleep. You deserve to sleep and have some relief from your thoughts for awhile. It’s harder to stay emotionally healthy when not sleeping well. You must be exhausted.

    You will always be his little sister. I’m so sorry for this hole in your heart.

    • Linda K Coleman says:

      I couldn’t help but to pick up on what you said. Please just talk to someone,anyone at this point. You are exhausted and not thinking clearly. It seems like no one understands, but believe me, you have to know someone you can talk to. If not, seek medical advice,which you should anyway. So sorry for your loss.

  2. Vincent says:

    Just let someone know. The pain inside can bottle up and hold back the potential that your big brother knows you have. He will always love you. Open up and tell someone. I know you’re pain. Find that one person or group that will carry you. I’m sorry for your loss. Nothing can fill the gap but love from others can help occupy some space.

  3. Samantha says:

    I lost my brother and partner in crime as well. I’m not going to lie – it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. He was my best friend. But it will make you a stronger person. A strength that no one can ever take from you. Just keep pushing babygirl

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