Just now found out your death was suicide….

Dealing with your death in May was tough enough. Being a glutton for punishment, I requested the files from the police on your death. I am not sure why they did not tell me about your texts to someone where you laid out your plan to overdose on fentanyl…..why the hell did they list your death an accidental overdose?? Now, 4 months later, I feel like I lost you all over again. You were my big brother, but I was always the responsible one…..how could I let you down like this.
I know I am not alone in losing a sibling, this site has taught me that, but I just found out this was suicide yesterday, the wounds have been torn back open. I feel silly, why am I this broken up over this little piece of news, I mean, dead is dead. Nothing changes the fact that your ashes are sitting on a shelf in my house. I feel so…lost.


One thought on “Just now found out your death was suicide….

  1. You’ll never be alone in the pain. This is closure of your circumstances but not the end of the love you two have. I’m sorry for the pain you have gone through. We understand.

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