I lost my younger brother and my soul is broken

I lost my younger brother on January 3rd, 2024. Im the oldest and have 4 kids of my own and I swear I felt like he was my kid too. He just turned 31 and has been battling with addiction for some time. I would try and check in with him and he would brush it off and say he’s fine.

He had so much going for him, I had him move back in with us because he was saying he didn’t like to be alone.

The night he passed, He apparently took way too much of multiple drugs including magic mushrooms and had a bad trip after a fight that had happened between him and a friend of ours I sent to check on him. He ended up jumping from our 6th floor balcony as they pretty much watched. I blame myself because I wasn’t home to save him or I shouldn’t have called the friend. I haven’t been the same, i don’t think I’ll ever be the same. I’m struggling with this hard and just want my brother back.

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