It wasn’t your fault

Creeping up on six years. I hear the songs I listen to after your death and they still make me sob. I drink pbr alone and cry. I want to say it gets better, but the reality is you just get better at hiding it. It fucking tears you up. Let it out because it will choke you. I used to black out for minutes, coming to sobbing. But now I just get drunk and cry. I listen to Sail or Little lion man and cry. I want to create a place for us. If you are on the Olympic peninsula, email me and we can create a group.

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3 Responses to It wasn’t your fault

  1. Michelle says:

    I passed the 6 year mark on June 27th. It wasn’t as hard as previous years but still the worst time of year for me and my family. When I feel the build-up coming attending a Survivors group helps me out. Check out afsp.org (link in the Resources tab) and see if there is a group already formed near you to attend. Hopefully you will find it as help, especially during this time.

  2. Bre says:

    Your post gave me chills. I lost my only sibling to suicide – my older brother. A year and half ago this month. I find myself drinking cheap Busch Light and wine on the daily…. To numb the pain of life, I guess that is what I am doing at least. Which is not like me. I listen to the music that once connected us, such as Mumford and Sons, AWOLNATION, Florence + the Machine, X-Ambassadors and so much more. My empathy to you is by far extreme, I feel that I relate to you in a very similar way. I have been looking for groups to join, but sometimes I just tell myself that I don’t need it or that I am being weak. But when those deep, emotional moments hit you – its hard to not dwell on it. If you read this, I would love to talk to you more… Please feel free to email me and we can go from there.

    • Maya says:

      I’m sorry it took me so long to come back to this site. I have a short cut on my phone, but just like stopping at his grave, I find it hard to open it. Rereading my post, I realize that I was having a really low moment. But that’s how it feels. Happiness does creep back in, but there is still that hollow place inside. I would love to talk more, but don’t know where to find your email?

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