It wasn’t your fault

Creeping up on six years. I hear the songs I listen to after your death and they still make me sob. I drink pbr alone and cry. I want to say it gets better, but the reality is you just get better at hiding it. It fucking tears you up. Let it out because it will choke you. I used to black out for minutes, coming to sobbing. But now I just get drunk and cry. I listen to Sail or Little lion man and cry. I want to create a place for us. If you are on the Olympic peninsula, email me and we can create a group.

3 thoughts on “It wasn’t your fault

  1. I passed the 6 year mark on June 27th. It wasn’t as hard as previous years but still the worst time of year for me and my family. When I feel the build-up coming attending a Survivors group helps me out. Check out afsp.org (link in the Resources tab) and see if there is a group already formed near you to attend. Hopefully you will find it as help, especially during this time.

  2. Your post gave me chills. I lost my only sibling to suicide – my older brother. A year and half ago this month. I find myself drinking cheap Busch Light and wine on the daily…. To numb the pain of life, I guess that is what I am doing at least. Which is not like me. I listen to the music that once connected us, such as Mumford and Sons, AWOLNATION, Florence + the Machine, X-Ambassadors and so much more. My empathy to you is by far extreme, I feel that I relate to you in a very similar way. I have been looking for groups to join, but sometimes I just tell myself that I don’t need it or that I am being weak. But when those deep, emotional moments hit you – its hard to not dwell on it. If you read this, I would love to talk to you more… Please feel free to email me and we can go from there.

    1. I’m sorry it took me so long to come back to this site. I have a short cut on my phone, but just like stopping at his grave, I find it hard to open it. Rereading my post, I realize that I was having a really low moment. But that’s how it feels. Happiness does creep back in, but there is still that hollow place inside. I would love to talk more, but don’t know where to find your email?

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