Empty. (SiblingSurvivors Letters)

My beautiful sister. My soulmate. My best friend. You decided to leave me two days ago. You decided to leave all your pain and suffering with me. I know you’ve been wanting this. But what more could I have done? Please, tell me. I’m begging you. A sign, a dream, a feeling. Any feeling but pain and heartache. I texted and called you every single day telling you how much I loved you. I knew I should have bought that plane ticket to see you a week before you left me and mom forever. I blame myself. I’m angry at you, too. You’re so stubborn and impulsive… that car accident? Why didn’t you tell us? I would have given you all my savings to help you get back up on your feet. Hana, a piece of me is gone. I cannot breathe, I can barely exist. I don’t want to feel this pain anymore. Moms soul isn’t even here. She isn’t eating or sleeping. She is starting to leave me too. It’s only been day 2 since you’ve left us and the hardest part hasn’t even happened. I’m on the plane to see you right now. I hate the word ‘remains’….. as if all that remaining of you is your soulless body. I don’t know if I want to see you face to face. I don’t want to lose those happy memories with you. I love you so much…. I can’t be strong much longer. I’m waiting to hear from you. I love you. If this is your final destination to happiness, I will find peace some day. But for now, I want to disappear forever. From society, from my thoughts and feelings, from existence. I am nothing without you. Remember what you wrote “no matter what happens, it’s just you and I”. You left me. Your baby 23 year old sister.

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One Response to Empty. (SiblingSurvivors Letters)

  1. Heather Martinez says:

    I am so very sorry for your loss. I know your pain. I lost my baby sister 25 years young almost 4 months ago. We were building our relationship up. I miss her everyday and most days find it hard to believe.it was just me and her and I had always told her “one day it’s gojng to just be me and you” now she is gone. I would love to say it gets better but some days are better and some days are worse. I am also trying to hold my parents together. They are ready to go themselves so they can be with her. My heart goes out to you. Just one day at a time and remember to breathe. ❤️

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