On January 27th, 2018, my big brother committed suicide. We were out as a family and we had gotten into a small argument that normal siblings have. Only, I think it may have hit him differently. The car ride home was silent. When we got home, my brother ran upstairs and slammed his door… or so we thought that’s what happened. 30 seconds later we discovered it was not a door being slammed, it was a gunshot. My best friend had just taken himself from me. The time between January 27th and now just seems to be a huge blur. I still feel as if his death is my fault. I’m still not sure how to go on without him. He was my biggest supporter and he always encouraged me to do my best. I’m honestly not sure why I’m even writing this, I’m just hoping that writing about it makes me feel a little better. If you are reading this, don’t ever let someone walk away from an argument without a solution to the problem. I wish more than anything that I would have ended the fight and told him I loved him because that was my last chance and I had no idea.
This is not a suicide or crisis resource. Please contact a counselor, family member, friend, or emergency services if you are having suicidal thoughts.
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