My big brother (SiblingsSurvivors Guest Post)

On January 27th, 2018, my big brother committed suicide. We were out as a family and we had gotten into a small argument that normal siblings have. Only, I think it may have hit him differently. The car ride home was silent. When we got home, my brother ran upstairs and slammed his door… or so we thought that’s what happened. 30 seconds later we discovered it was not a door being slammed, it was a gunshot. My best friend had just taken himself from me. The time between January 27th and now just seems to be a huge blur. I still feel as if his death is my fault. I’m still not sure how to go on without him. He was my biggest supporter and he always encouraged me to do my best. I’m honestly not sure why I’m even writing this, I’m just hoping that writing about it makes me feel a little better. If you are reading this, don’t ever let someone walk away from an argument without a solution to the problem. I wish more than anything that I would have ended the fight and told him I loved him because that was my last chance and I had no idea.

4 thoughts on “My big brother (SiblingsSurvivors Guest Post)

  1. It is NOT your fault. It really isn’t!! Hopefully one day you will understand, it will take time.
    I wish you all the strenght that you will need..Lots of love from Holland.

    1. Thank you so much. That really means a lot. I hope that with time, I will realize it isn’t my fault.

  2. I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you find peace with yourself. I hope your family finds peace. People argue, that doesn’t mean you’re to blame. You will always love and miss your brother and I will always love and miss mine. But guilt doesn’t do anything positive. I try to make sure I say things that need said and make sure the people I love know it. I think that’s all we can do at this point. It’s a long process. I hope you have better days.

Leave a Reply to Andrea Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *