Beautiful People (SiblingsSurvivors Guest Post)

I can’t help thinking what you might be doing right now if you hadn’t of left us. Would you still be carrying around the same amount of pain that you were before? Would you have gotten help? You have been sober again? I don’t think that the sober you woulda left us like that. The sober you wouldn’t have left us to pick up the pieces that you left behind. The sober you woulda thought about the funeral costs. The sober you wouldn’t have left your siblings, your parents and friends.
The other day our younger sister asked me if she was dying. it’s hard to explain what happened to someone who doesn’t fully understand. I told her that you were sick and that you would still be here and for her not to worry about her dying. She also asked me why I didn’t follow you to the park after you left the house that night. Boy, do I wish that I did. I didn’t know what to tell her, so I just told her some of the truth, that I didn’t know you went to the park. Because how do you tell your younger sister that you didn’t know that when you heard our bother leave the house that he was going to go and kill himself?
It’s weird how my life is now. How I’m supposed to put on a brave face, make it to work on time and eat meals, like my heart wasn’t just split in two. that my life will forever be altered because you decided to do what you did. How now I’m supposed to put on a smile and look together with the hopes that someday the bad days will get further in-between and how I’m supposed to just move on with my life.
I don’t hate you for what you did, but I sure am angry as hell at you. You should be here. You should be here to live. You should be here to brave this fucked up world with me and to laugh at the jokes in it.
“Hearts yo”

Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

You are allowed to enter 2 URL(s) in the comment area.