Missing you Christina

It’s been some time Chris, and while I think of you on occasion, I am sorry to say I don’t enough. Many out there say they think of a lost sibling every day, but I don’t. I do not say this out of a lack of love or caring for you but I am a “runner”. I have a hard time with my emotions so I think my brain shuts out certain things to protect itself. That said, when I do think of you I get very emotional. It’s a reaction of “shit, really, this sucks on so many dimensions”. Your life, your child, your support of mom and dad (until mom passed). All thrown away in a moment of passion. We are a lot alike at some level in terms of being passionate emotional beings that were confused at some level by the fundamental complexity and unfairness of life. I managed to escape into workaholism and escape alcohol being one area. I thank God that in the end we were on what I thought was very good terms. I had been arrogant and judgmental earlier in your life about your decisions and I have felt bad about that for a long time. That said, I think we really bonded later in life when I saw weakness and difficulty in my own existence and you helped me through it. As is often natural, I feel a lot of guilt over the fact that I delayed my trip to Montana to help you. We had spoken that prior week and I had to defer. I think that may have been a fix for the issues but who knows. In any event, I love you and miss you and we keep an eye on your boy. Fortunately we are on good terms with Travis and believe he genuinely loves that little guy and does a good job of raising him. It’s also encouraging that your friend (her name escapes me) is involved with Tristan. I know you had some questions about her capacity to do that but I think it is very positive. Hope all is well in your electrical existence in the universe that you so passionately studied in terms of meaning. I think you were really on to something. Love you forever and always…

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