Miss my younger brother

When brother was 19 when he hung himself. He is six years younger than me. Growing up we grew up in the country always playing together constantly together. Our parents split up when he was around 9. While he grew up and we became distanced due to not living together but we still have a very close bond and he always knew I had his back. He was searching for a family to love him and he got with this girl she had two kids and he thought the one kid was his but it didn’t end up being his. I think it broke his heart. And he’s had to be there for my sister through so many unresolved health issues in the past 5 months to a year… He was on and off in his relationship but they always seemed to get back together and make it work. He loved her kids soo much and wanted to be a father for them. He was stabbed two weeks before he killed himself in a fight against three teenage guys. He seemed okay, he called me we talked and I told him to call me if anything bad happens again! And I meant it. My brother internalized everything and had health problems himself both physically and mentally but physically his body really went downhill. We went to a concert in April and I feel so bad not realizing the signs or see how bad he was slipping. I ignored it because of the state I put myself in in my own life. He loved his niece’s and nephew’s soo much. And I had a son less than two weeks after he had passed… Im so numb and making very big decisions in my life under such a hard circumstance. I have people there for me but I don’t want to let myself down, because I feel I’m letting the people that are there for me down. My sister found my brother in the closet and had to call their dad. And my mom found our thru a text message thru my brothers dad. I have anger and bad thoughts. But I am trying to stay strong for my brother and my kids, you have to in life. Because life isn’t fair, people can be crazy but we have to make the best of it while we are still here. Love you soo much bro I hope you are at peace.

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