I don’t know why i’m typing this other than to vent and hopefully process these feelings. Sorry if my spelling is horrible. I remember the day i found out you left us. Leading up to that point mom just moved to portland to be closer to you. i had a sense that you were struggling but not sure about what. fast forward to helping unload the trailer and having to drop you off. i remember you showing me this hispanic restaurant. it was one of your friends 21st birthday party that day and i figure i’d buy y’all your first round. That was the last time i saw you. the last thing i said to you was be safe like i always do, not knowing that was going to be the last time i spoke to you. I found out that you were missing and didn’t know what to do and then i got the news after work. i was still homeless at the time. i had just entered the shelter and opened fb and saw that you have left us. I didn’t know what to do. i yelled i screamed and i cried. Later on was your funeral. i sat in the back because i felt i had to be the strong one for mom and others like i have been in the past. i left shortly after the ceremony and broke down. Even tho we were not related by blood, i feel we still had that brotherly connection. Everyday i think about you and wish that we could have had better times. you were such a talented person that would have gone far. when you spoke people listened, even as the older brother i still looked up to you. in ways you were stronger than me as much as i’d hate to admit it. One thing that helps me when i think about you is the song that one day i will get tatted on my skin. Here’s to 2017 and hopefully a better year…
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