I will miss you every second of every day for the rest of my life

18 days have gone by, and it still does not feel real. I keep thinking I will wake up and realize this was someone’s sick joke. I keep asking God to help me understand, but there doesn’t seem to be an answer. Sometimes I wonder what is wrong with me when I find myself trying not to think about it. I just don’t know how someone can live through so much pain, then when their life should be fabulous, all those demons come out to play. I know this is horrible, but I am so damn angry. No goodbye, nothing…you just left. What am I supposed to do now? You told me nothing would ever tear us apart, we have always been in this together. There is no one else. I look around, and I am trying so hard to be the brick I have always been, but I feel myself crumbling. I can’t believe I didn’t have any premonition, that my day just went on without my heart skipping a beat to give me some warning. Didn’t you know, didn’t you understand how much you are loved and valued? After everything we have been through, not even a single word? You always had those beautiful little quotes, and your famous words, ” I’m Fine…I Love You,” but dammit, you couldn’t love yourself enough to live? God help me, but I am so damn angry with those who tortured your soul, and I am angry that those of us who love you unconditionally were not enough, and I AM angry that such a beautiful life has left this earth way too young, and my heart is devastated that those precious grand babies and your nephew will never understand just how much you loved them.

 

Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to I will miss you every second of every day for the rest of my life

  1. Heather Engel says:

    My brother took his life last October or November. We don’t know what day because his body wasn’t discovered until November 10th and because of the state of his body the medical examiner wasn’t able to determine when he died. In situations like this they use the date the body was found as the date of death. Sorry for going into so much detail. I am having a hard time not knowing when my brother died. I keep thinking how did I not feel him leave. I also can’t believe this is real. When my parents told me, time stopped. My soul is shattered. In the morning when I first wake up….those first few seconds I am back in my old life and then reality hits me. My life is a nightmare. My brother’s suicide is something you would see on “Dateline”. I will miss Timmy for the rest of my life. I will cry every day for the rest of my life. How can this be real….I can’t accept that he is gone. Timmy can’t be gone.

  2. Friend says:

    RIP Heather,
    Heather unfortunately lost her battle with sadness on Sunday 2-28-16. It is with great sadness I hope people reach out for help. Her poor parents lost both of their children within 5 months, may they too heal.

Leave a Reply

You are allowed to enter 2 URL(s) in the comment area.