18 days have gone by, and it still does not feel real. I keep thinking I will wake up and realize this was someone’s sick joke. I keep asking God to help me understand, but there doesn’t seem to be an answer. Sometimes I wonder what is wrong with me when I find myself trying not to think about it. I just don’t know how someone can live through so much pain, then when their life should be fabulous, all those demons come out to play. I know this is horrible, but I am so damn angry. No goodbye, nothing…you just left. What am I supposed to do now? You told me nothing would ever tear us apart, we have always been in this together. There is no one else. I look around, and I am trying so hard to be the brick I have always been, but I feel myself crumbling. I can’t believe I didn’t have any premonition, that my day just went on without my heart skipping a beat to give me some warning. Didn’t you know, didn’t you understand how much you are loved and valued? After everything we have been through, not even a single word? You always had those beautiful little quotes, and your famous words, ” I’m Fine…I Love You,” but dammit, you couldn’t love yourself enough to live? God help me, but I am so damn angry with those who tortured your soul, and I am angry that those of us who love you unconditionally were not enough, and I AM angry that such a beautiful life has left this earth way too young, and my heart is devastated that those precious grand babies and your nephew will never understand just how much you loved them.