My view: I often wonder what lead you to this choice ,but I know you didn’t mean to hurt anyone. I’ve read online most people who commit suicide aren’t thinking straight I’m sure that’s true. When I found out you died I kept thinking how could this be true or how could this happen. I think the time was 8:10 pm on 8/31 when I was on the phone trying to call in work I saw a police officer arrive I was on the porch at the time. Dad was upstairs on his bedroom deck everyone else was inside. I had went inside to get a pen to write down my supervisors number down. The police officer was inside telling us that they had found your body in your apartment. Given that at this time I was still on the phone nervously trying to write down a number so I didn’t hear what he actually said I could just tell from others reaction that you had died. Right at that moment I back outside and fell to the ground and cried. I don’t remember the officer walking past me but I saw his car leaving later. I don’t think I was outside for that long just a couple minutes I came back inside not sure what happened after. I remembered getting hugged from mom and Dan I remember just sitting there staring at the wall. Ben arrived later on, he called uncle Scott and left to get sleeping pills and Gatorade. Not too long after he left Kaylei arrived I was outside listening either Ray Charles or Sam Cooke . Then dad started to call his siblings in Texas and tell them that you had died. We had Skylar’s dad bring grandma to the condo. We all sat around wonder how could this happen to you. I felt sick to my stomach and thought I was going to throw up so I went back outside. I had gotten a hold of my supervisor and tried to get words that my brother had died she just told me to breath and not to worry about anything. I’m not sure what time I left for home it must have been 11 or something. I had Beth in my room. I tried to sleep but couldn’t I still felt sick so I took a shower at 2 or 3 am. Then went to sleep for a little. Then woke up next thing I know we were at Safeway at 7 am to get gas Beth got me Hot chocolate and Banana Bread. I remember looking around at the register wondering how people could be so happy. I’m not sure what happened after that but we went back to the condo I still wasn’t hungry that lasted for a day or two. I remembered about a letter you had written me so I looked all over for I was surprised how much cards I’ve kept over the years. I finally found and just started crying. It was a thank letter to me about helping out at your fundraiser before you went to India. I really don’t remember that ,but I do remember having some sort of function at Harvest I guess it was that. I went to a Football game with a friend we got there late and sat on the visitor side I’m glad we did because I didn’t want to see any of your friends. They didn’t know you had died yet. After the football game we went back to my friends house so she could get some clothes then we went to my aunt and uncle’s house Kaylei had been pet sitting. We ordered pizza and tried to hook up their TV. I finally got it working on the Xbox we watched The Incredibles although we fell asleep before it was over. Pretty much slept most of that night and day with their giant dog on top of me.That I went back to work at 10p -6a. Anytime someone said sorry for your loss to me or talked about you I just thought oh yeah that really did happen I still feel you could come around the corner at anytime. It’s been weird watching Christmas videos that I took or listening to that voice message you left me before your going away party.
A Stranger’s view: I often wonder what that officer in Ohio felt when she found you after she had been talking to dad. Must have been a surreal moment finding someone else kid that live from the other side of the country. I wonder how long you had been dead when she found you. I think about all the police officers there paramedics (if there were any). Or if people crowded around or drove past what did they think. Did they know what happened to you? Did they know you weren’t from around here and that your family were in Washington? I wonder if they saw them bring your body wondering who you were and what happened. Did they know that we had no idea yet. Did they say a pray for you or for us.
This is not a suicide or crisis resource. Please contact a counselor, family member, friend, or emergency services if you are having suicidal thoughts.
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