To Jack again

It has been 6 months and a few days now. I cant tell if it feels like its been longer or shorter than that. Probably longer. Its harder to remember your voice and what we you talked about at the dinner table. Its harder to picture your face and what it felt like when I made you laugh (it was the best feeling getting you to crack a smile at my always dumb jokes). There are so many things I wish I could ask you and talk to you about. I wish I asked you if you really believed in God so I didnt have to wonder and resent the pastor at your funeral every time he said you were a believer. I wish I asked you about your dreams and aspirations. I wish I welcomed you home when you got home from school everyday rather than jut ignoring you. I wish we could have been closer. Im so sorry I wasnt there for you. I had no idea. I wish I didnt let the little things bother me so much. I miss you and miss what our family once was. Anyway I hope I didnt annoy you too much. I was kind of a selfish little sister. Im so sorry we werent closer. Im sorry we didnt do what we should have as your family. I love you. And even if you never heard it, it was always true.

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