So lost right now (SiblingsSurvivors Guest Post)

I just learned last night that my brother killed himself. He was diagnosed with bipolar disorder about a year ago and was having a really hard time with it. I just saw him at Christmas, and he really seemed like he was doing okay. We talked and laughed a lot every day. I am just so heartbroken right now, I don’t know what to do. I keep thinking things would have been different if I just called him more, if I just tried a little harder. I can’t believe I’m never going to see him again or talk to him or hear his laugh. Does this ever get easier? I just hope he knew how much I loved him, and I hope he is finally at peace.

6 thoughts on “So lost right now (SiblingsSurvivors Guest Post)

  1. It does get easier. Only with time. I strongly recommend reaching out to a survivors group. You can find one in your area on our page.

    It hurts an amount people can’t comprehend and that’s what makes everyday hard. Find others who can understand the pain. You will be ok. It does get better

  2. Hi Michelle. I have a similar story. My brother was also bipolar and took his life last January. He was living with me at the time. I have the same regrets that I shouldn’t have left him alone, called etc. He also appeared to be doing fine, but hit a manic and drank quite a bit, which turned into the most traumatic event of my life. He was my very best friend. I can tell you it’s not necessarily easier. It comes in waves. I am however now functioning and participating in life now. The first few months I just sat in shock obsessing over every detail, all of his possessions, songs, memories….you name it. He hated his meds. And the one thing I remind myself is he was suffering from a mental illness, struggling much more than he let on, and atleast he is in peace. I’m not sure if that helps you at all now that I’m a year in. Some days are harder than others. But I have also come to be a firm believer in the other side and signs from your spirits. I’ve had quite a few which brought great comfort. Please reach out if you ever want to connect. I have yet to try a group, but have been thinking about it. Take care of yourself. I’m so sorry for your loss.

  3. My brother committed suicide in Feb 23rd he was doing incredibly well after struggling for years with mental health problems. He was healthy and happy more so than he has been in 15 years but had a mental relapse due to lack of sleep and killed himself. I have the same feelings questions and pain as expressed above. Heart broken, devastated.

  4. My Brother committed suicide on February 10th. I am stuck in this place of helplessness. Tears sneak up on me at the most awkward moments. I feel guilty if I laugh, or sleep in, or enjoy my kids, or feel sunshine on my face. I should have called more, I should have invited him to dinner more, I should have begged him to get help when he was depressed. I think I’m different forever. I know I’ll be ok…just different.

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