My sister Barbara committed suicide in September 1972. It has been almost 46 yrs and I think of her every day. She was older than me by 13 yrs and was like a mother to me when I was a baby and little girl. She was a beautiful talented girl she loved her high school years. She went to Baldwin Wallace College in Berea Ohio and excelled and enjoyed her college years. She met a man in 1964 shortly before she graduated college and fell head over heels for him. He was such a jerk. She married him. He was emotionally cruel to her for the years they were married. She withdrew from our family that was the first sign. He began to torment her and call her fat and say she had a big nose. He would go golfing on weekends and leave her alone. She was alone a lot. She suffered insomnia for years. She saw a psychiatrist several different times. She attempted suicide with an overdose and was in the hospital and she never told us and neither did her husband. He kept her under his thumb. We watched a beautiful talented woman fall to the depths of despair and there was nothing we could do. She ended her life in her car in a garage. Tragic then and still tragic. The loss of her still makes me sick. She was 30 when she committed suicide and I was about 17 and I still have a hard time with it. I have had several dreams lately where I discover she is still alive but wants nothing to do with us, her family. The heartache I feel in my sleep is so deep. I end up telling her that we love her and when she is ready we want to show her love. So sad. She was an exceptional music teacher and had so much to give the world. She was highly educated – masters degree in music ed her life at 30 was just beginning. Her tormentor husband had her cremated and sent her ashes home in a cardboard box. He would not allow her family to have one item of hers. He and his mother got rid of all her belongings and swept her out with the trash. He married a 19 yr old shortly after.
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My sister also took her life a few years ago. She had just turned 60. She lost a son about fourteen years before. I think that may have made her depression worse.
I sympathize with the loss of your sister. I know you miss her terribly.
Hardly a day goes by when I don’t think about her and miss her, but I am getting on with life and the sadness doesn’t come so often now.
I hope it gets better for you too.