Help

My brother committed suicide on Tuesday April 24, 2018. By the end of that Thursday (26th), my husband felt I should be over it, by that Saturday he was calling me a cry baby and telling me that my brother’s death has done nothing but inconvenience him and I need to get over it already. His youngest boy died in an accident in 2010, then his mother passed in 2012. I went above and beyond to ensure the family (including his ex-wife) made it through. I called all of them daily, made home cooked meals and made sure everyone was eating, and whatever other support I could offer. When I stated that, my husband barked at me, “I never asked you to do anything”. Part of my soul left with my brother and not being able to grieve and not be chastised is ripping me apart.

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4 Responses to Help

  1. Alex says:

    Honey I am so sorry your husband is acting this way.
    I think it might be in your best interest to stay with someone else for awhile if possible.
    I can’t imagine how you’re feeling and I’m so so sorry for your loss.
    If I lost anyone to suicide it would never end. I would never stop grieving.
    Honey you need to find help. Real help. I love you, and I don’t even know you.
    Stay strong.

  2. Bridgette says:

    When reading this i can’t even explain the emotions I felt. ? first off I am terribly sorry for your loss. I lost my brother a year and a half ago and I am still hurting and sorting things out. I agree that a piece of your heart is gone. ? Second, I am really sorry your husband is so cold about your greiving. Your are at a VERY sensitive stage and you need love and support! ❤ Third please reach out to get support from a friend, family, counsellor and most importantly God. I will pray you get the love and care you need at this devastating time as you ride the waves of grief. You can ger through this. Prayers and ❤ to you !

  3. Jessica says:

    I am so sorry for your loss. We all grieve loss differently, As someone who lost my mom to cancer in 2010 and my older brother to suicide 2 years ago I can say it takes time. The waves are big and overwhelming at first and they slowly become easier to handle, less often, and maybe you can even see them coming. But at first it is too much. You need support and it sounds like from someone outside your home. Be strong, communicate with your husband what you need but if he doesn’t understand be your own advocate and seek that support from a counselor, a friend, and God. For me God is the only constant in my life. Despite what happens here on earth He is there for you to lean on. Even still there are times I cry in the shower til I’m dry heaving with no tears left. I have had great loss. And mourning shows they were valuable to us. Respect they way your husband deals with loss but you do not have to do it the same way. That does not make you weak. The ability to allow ourselves to feel makes us human, it is strength. It is compassion this world needs more of. I hope and pray you find support and a confidant to share your pain with, it helps to share your heart. Again I am so sorry. I am forever changed by my loss, but I believe in moving forward and making their memory a driving force in the way I live. I’m learning at least. I also pray your husbands heart will be softened to you and your needs.

  4. Patricia Farley says:

    My brother killed himself in our family’s church with two gunshots to the heart in 2004. There’s no getting over it. We learn to live with it and to understand there’s other parts of life. We keep the good memories and we remember the best we can. I am very sorry for your loss. I Hope you can find comfort and peace as you move through your life. Maybe your husband is hurting from his losses and reacts in this way as his survival method. Part of your soul did leave. Mine did too. My brother was 11 years younger than me and it was like he was my oldest child! I still miss him and he would now be a grandfather. I am very sad his little grandson will not know him. However life moves on and we must live it. Hold on. Find friends and remember you are not alone.

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