Missing my brother on the anniversary of his death

My brother left this plain of existence a year ago and it wasn’t until i saw his name carved into a headstone nearly a year later that my mind went into chaos. I was never OK but i did the typical Irish male thing and buried all my feelings as deep as possible so i could help my parents deal with the loss. I know this all sounds like I’m making it all about myself. It is all about Patrick who spent most of his life not feeling like he fitted in or was liked or loved. He was and always will be. He ended his life but not before he posted his final words on face book. They were and still are difficult to read. Facebook refuses to shut the page down or even just remove the post. Anyway I’m rambling on, all I can say he is missed and wish I could have helped him. But as anyone who has dealt with suicide knows only too well, we all wish we could have helped our loved ones.

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One Response to Missing my brother on the anniversary of his death

  1. Jessica says:

    As someone who is coming up on a year with my brother suicide and just recently saw his headstone for the first time I completely understand what you’re feeling. My brother jumped off of a bridge and into a river, we have not been able to recover his body yet. My 8 year old nephew really needed a place to go and talk to his dad so after nearly 7 months we finally put up a headstone. An empty grave below it. I’ve spent so much time trying to convince my parents that I’m OK so they won’t have to worry about me. It wasn’t until recently I realize just how much I missed him. I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better. I can say that you’re not alone in this but I don’t know if that’s actually any solace. And I can say is it sucks, is unfair, and it’s OK not to be OK.

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