Missing my brother on the anniversary of his death

My brother left this plain of existence a year ago and it wasn’t until i saw his name carved into a headstone nearly a year later that my mind went into chaos. I was never OK but i did the typical Irish male thing and buried all my feelings as deep as possible so i could help my parents deal with the loss. I know this all sounds like I’m making it all about myself. It is all about Patrick who spent most of his life not feeling like he fitted in or was liked or loved. He was and always will be. He ended his life but not before he posted his final words on face book. They were and still are difficult to read. Facebook refuses to shut the page down or even just remove the post. Anyway I’m rambling on, all I can say he is missed and wish I could have helped him. But as anyone who has dealt with suicide knows only too well, we all wish we could have helped our loved ones.

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4 Responses to Missing my brother on the anniversary of his death

  1. Jessica says:

    As someone who is coming up on a year with my brother suicide and just recently saw his headstone for the first time I completely understand what you’re feeling. My brother jumped off of a bridge and into a river, we have not been able to recover his body yet. My 8 year old nephew really needed a place to go and talk to his dad so after nearly 7 months we finally put up a headstone. An empty grave below it. I’ve spent so much time trying to convince my parents that I’m OK so they won’t have to worry about me. It wasn’t until recently I realize just how much I missed him. I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better. I can say that you’re not alone in this but I don’t know if that’s actually any solace. And I can say is it sucks, is unfair, and it’s OK not to be OK.

    • Donal says:

      Thank you Jessica,it’s good to know we’re never alone in our grief and someone is out there feeling how we feel,not taking solace by saying it’s nice to know people are feeling sadness, but that someone out there understands what it feels like and can empathise,I’m very sorry to hear about your brother.
      It does suck and it’s very unfair but we get told time heals,I’m not sure it does where suicide is concerned .all we can do is remember our brothers and hold onto the good memories.

  2. LW says:

    Facebook SUCKS!!!
    My brother had posted on his page as well. I could see people reading stuff and it cut my heart out every time I looked at it. I contacted them and since he didnt have it set up where I could go in and shut it down, I had to email over a copy of the death certificate. Since it is no one’s business at Facebook to know the circumstances or any other personal information on the certificate, ile. Social Security numbers, addresses, etc, I was able to electronically erase all of that information (including means of death) on the certificate after I scanned it into my computer, and they accepted it and shut down his page.
    We shouldnt have to deal with the BS and have to go through all of that as survivors but they wouldnt budge on their “policy.” Hope this information helps you.
    I know it is hard to see their page. I had my brother’s closed within a week and it was a huge relief.

    • Donal says:

      Well Facebook seem to think they are a governing body of some sort,i sent a copy of the death cert but because the names didnt’ fully match they refused to delete,getting sick and tired of their bull**** at this stage,glad you got your late brothers shut down and i am genuinely sorry for your loss

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