Lost my bro

My brother committed suicide 2 days ago…. our family is devastated to say the least….although I had helped him financially in oct/nov, I didn’t help him lately and for that I feel guilty…. we all feel guilty….my heart is just broken….

4 thoughts on “Lost my bro

  1. My brother killed himself 3 weeks ago. I feel your bewilderment, excruciating pain, guilt and suffering. I am in a daze. I wonder what I missed. Please don’t blame yourself. In my family we were tricked and lied to. My brother lived far enough away that a lot was missed. In the end he planned it out very well. I can’t even believe I am here writing this. Just remember to take deep breaths. Eat if you can. Drink water. Take care of yourself. Talk to your family about it if possible. Join a suicide survivor support group. Find a therapist. Any little bit helps. Please try to stay strong. Time will help us heal.

  2. I’m so sorry to hear you are also going thru this….my brother, too, lived far so a lot of questions will never be answered….thanks for writing…. I wish you and your family peace…. keep in touch and let me know how you’re doing…..

  3. I lost my brother to suicide 8 and a half months ago. The so-called “firsts” – the first holiday, birthday, the first year… these are the hard. By degree, it’ll be better. This is a unique and complicated grief, and Anyone who suggests you should be “over” it — in whatever timeframe — doesn’t know what they’re talking about! We get used to living our lives without our sibling. We adjust to living with the loss, not of “getting over it.”

    I’m very sorry for your loss. It’s inevitable that we’re gunna find that unfinished bit of business, that thing we might have done better, or the thing we shouldn’t have said or done. There’s no comfort in being told, “They weren’t in their right mind.” The grief is powerful, complex. Everything in the family gets stirred up. The emotions can be overwhelming at first. Those first couple of weeks, the pain was like being physically skewered through the chest.

    Time has left me with a constant ache of missing our unique bond. We shared a humor that was ours, created over 49 years, so virtually everything reminds me of one of our million jokes. And, I almost reach for my phone to text him.

    There’s that wanting to have had a chance to say “Goodbye.” Even though, I’m left to do that on my own. Also, the statement, by some, that, “At least he’s no longer suffering.” In time, this will sink in. Right now, all I feel is the pain I’m left with, when he unilaterally severed our tie.

    I have to realize it wasn’t personal. His suicide, I mean. He didn’t do it to get back at me, and even if he did — it isn’t really that easy. It’s *their* choice. Whatever their reason, and I’ll never know what was going thru his mind in the end. They call that the “blind spot.” They took that answer with them. We can only guess.

    For us to heal, we make up our own narrative, a new one, have healing conversations and we move on. I’m starting to realize (as this is my first post on a support/peer website since his death) — that I need Connection with others who’ve gone through this.

    It won’t hurt this bad forever. Again, I’m sorry for your loss. Whatever you feel, or how you cope with it in the short run — as long as it’s not self-destructive, it’s okay. Forget “normal” — Every reaction, however crazy it feels, is really a rational response to an impossible situation…

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