I’ll always be your little sister….

Dear Brother
It’s been a while, 7 years in fact, and life has never really been the same since that that day. God only knows how much you struggled, and I can only imagine how much pain you went through. I understand, it just still hurts so much.
I know you would want me to be happy and free, in ways you couldn’t be, but I have to be honest and say how much it still hurts. I know I’m not the same, but I’m trying really hard to be the genuinely happy person I was way back when. Please don’t feel bad about what happened, it’s not your pain to feel anymore, but I pray that one day I will take the pain and become all that I am sure you would love me to be.
I miss you brother. Even though there was a big age gap between us, I feel connected to you like no one else in our family. You and I are so similar, and sadly it’s only through your death that I now see how many things we share in common – spirituality, love of adventure, and music. I wish so much you were still here to explore these things with you now that I’ve grown up. To be your friend.
I love you. I always did, even when I was too caught up in my own trivialities that kept me from trying to help you more. Time cannot bring you back, but I know that I’ll see you again one day and till then, you’ll be with me through it all, every step of the way.
I’ll always be your little sister. You’ll always be my big brother. There will always be love.


3 thoughts on “I’ll always be your little sister….

  1. I lost my brother one month ago yesterday I know how you feel it’s the hardest thing that I’ve ever been through I hope that you can find peace knowing that your brother is in peace and knowing that one day you will be together again that’s the only way I can find my peace right now it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life and I know it’s hard for you too honey.

  2. Hi, I lost my brother in May and we also had a large age gap. I want to talk sometime, praying for you and your family.

  3. When I start feeling desperate about losing my brother to suicide 7 April 2015 I turn to the internet. I type in variations of “my brother committed suicide”. It’s very sad and quite incredible how many of us there are who are mourning the loss of our brothers. I am sorry for all of our losses. Sometimes it still seems unbelievable that this happened to our family. How did we let you slip through our fingers Grae? There”s no point in saying “if only”, but I say it anyway….over and over again. You had many opportunities to open up to me. I asked you if you were OK. I knew you weren’t. I told you to seek help before things got out of hand. You thanked me and sent me a kiss. You were too proud and private. You could never show your emotions. Did I beat the life out of you when we were little and we “play fought”?. It always turned into a cat and dog fight. Both of us fighting for our lives, as it seemed at the time. Only three years separate us. Now you will be forever young and I will miss you forever. Mom and Dad are carrying on. They are old and frail and it has been so hard for them to have this horrific blow at the end of their lives. Our older sister didn’t know you like I did. She is sad but has closed the door. I don’t think I ever will.

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