I Lost My Sister

Dear Abby,
September 26, 2015 you took your own life, stopping at the age of 16. You were less than 3 months away of turning 17.
9:37pm mom says “Abby’s gone” The first thing that came to my mind was “Abby ran away? Why?” But no that was not the case. Your heart had stopped breathing.
I didn’t want to believe it, and I still don’t. I got so lost after you left, I didn’t even know how to get up and get ready for school for a couple weeks.
Abby you were my older sister, my best friend, my partner in crime, my superhero. I was so close with you, I never wanted to lose you that soon. Your voice and your laughter played everyday in my head for the first 2 years after you left.
I still get mad, angry, upset, breakdown over your death. When I breakdown, I sit cry for hours, and I don’t want to talk to anyone. I will never believe it, I never want to either.
I just want another day with you sissy! I always feel like its my fault.
Abby was someone who never showed her pain. She didn’t get help, so she suffered in silence. Abby always acted like everything was okay.
She was always funny, she wanted others to be happier than her. She never liked others get upset. Abby was a funny, artistic, amazing, kind, outgoing, loving sister.
I struggle everyday still in everything I do. I just feel so lost still and feel like I haven’t made any progress after she left.
Abby I just wanted you to see how much I love you and how much I really miss you so freaking much. I just want to see another day with you sissy! I love you and we will meet again someday.

1 thought on “I Lost My Sister

  1. Hi…
    I just wanted to let you know I feel every word you have written here as if they were my own feelings. Because they are, in some ways so so similar. I lost my older brother to suicide this year and I am shattered. Shattered. Lost. Confused. Angry. And always aware of this horrible, disgusting sense of absence. Everyone thinks about the parents– which is valid– but younger siblings have never experienced one day of their lives without their older sibling breathing and walking around on this earth. I still don’t know how I am going to go on without my brother Michael. But I just wanted to say, thank you for sharing how you feel, because for the first time since they found my brother’s body, I feel like there are people out there who understand my pain.

    I am so sorry for your loss, just as I am so sorry for my own.
    I don’t know why things had to be this way.

    Warmly,
    N

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