It’s a been a month since my brother committed suicide. I feel like I’m not here anymore. I spend all day thinking of him and blaming myself. I’ve always been the rock in my family so I try to stay strong for my parents and younger brother. I honestly feel dead inside though. I’m ashamed to say that my little one will be born soon and I feel no joy. I know I’ll love him he’s going to be given his uncles name but I’m going to be sad that he’ll never get to meet his fun loving uncle Matt.
I feel the same way. Tomorrow it will be three months since my sister committed suicide. And it’s like I feel fleeting surface emotions but underneath I’m nothing. But every once in a while i will get a wave a sadness and guilt that weighs so much i can barely breath. I went to a group that helped a little and they said that I’m in shock. Which is just your body’s way of protecting you… I also have that need to be strong too though and most of the time its good but sometimes i just want to be weak. Kelly (my sister) sent a text to me that day even telling me to be strong for our parents and its just so much, when really i just want to crawl in my bed and not do anything. But i do feel like it’s gotten better a little bit. I know it’s always going to be there but hopefully it will lessen even more over time.
I feel you, I lost my sister a month ago tomorrow. I don’t know what to do with my life right now. I’m in college and I have no energy to do a single thing.