Subject: I buried my baby brother yesterday
8 days ago, I got the call that shattered my soul, my baby brother, my only sibling, 30 yrs old, hung himself. I was, am, so very angry, sad, confused, numb. He survived, 6 days, icu, and hospice care in the hospital. I buried him yesterday, and now I’m just here. I don’t know how I’m gonna survive this, I don’t know how to handle it. I will. One day at a time I suppose. But just for today, the first day I have nothing to do, I just don’t know how.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my little sister (younger by 20 months but taller than me since she was about 12 and smarter than me since age 3 so maybe I should have been the younger) 9 months ago by train. It is a very very painful journey we are on. I hope it helps you a bit if I tell you that you will survive and that it will get more manageable. For now, day by day, hour by hour and even sometimes minute by minute survival is enough. Try to sleep, eat and get fresh air when you can. Let people comfort you and spend time with people you want to see but don’t feel obliged to talk to people you don’t want to. If things get too much, go to a doctor. Most of all, know that you are not alone. Sadly this is very common – the most helpful thing for me in the early days was talking to someone else who had lost his sibling 4 years prior because I knew he understood in a way none of my friends could, and because I could see that he had survived. Sending you good wishes.