When I cry, I feel the pain of your loss. I feel the sting of my tears. I am hurting. When I cry, I imagine you can feel my pain too, the stinging tears, the hurt. It feels good to imagine you can feel that pain. Good. I look up, and for an instant I hope you’re looking down at me and I want you to feel bad for me. Good. Feel bad. Feel my pain, I think to myself. I know you didn’t really want to leave me. You just wanted the pain to end. Well, too bad. That was only the beginning. Sorry for being a negative Nancy. Damnit, I miss you. I wish you could come back to me. I know you do, too, Eli.
This is not a suicide or crisis resource. Please contact a counselor, family member, friend, or emergency services if you are having suicidal thoughts.
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