I’ve started to feel some anger now. It never really crossed my mind in the early years bc I just missed you and was trying to protect you from any person that would suggest anything bad about you. Now I’m starting to feel angry. It has been a decade. I was just so frozen. I didn’t want to be mad at you really. I was concentrating on the pain you must have felt. It’s been years of pressure from declining parents and unrest with siblings. It’s been so tiring. I can’t even begin to describe the impact. Mom and Dad declined so much and it’s been so hard. I really wish you had been here for support. I really needed you. We all did and do. Some how I picture you up there in heaven having a good time and that makes me mad. It has just been so much suffering. In another way I am comforted by this thought of you doing well but in another way I’m angry. Why did this have to happen? Why did it get so bad? I guess I’m stronger now but I didn’t want the strength to come like this and for this reason. I feel like I don’t have much more to give. It’s been so much caregiving. I’m so tired. I just really wish you’d be able to come back. For comfort. I miss you and all the fun times we had.