At 38 weeks pregnant I received the news that my younger brother took his own life. I am one of four kids and him and I were the middle kids we had a special bond. It has only been 4.5ish months but I’m starting to get bigger waves of grief. I think due to the fact that I couldn’t process what was happening at the time because I had to have a baby via c section the following week. Then I had to try and be happy because that’s what having a baby is supposed to feel. The first months I’ve blacked out for the most part and honestly I’ve just been moving on day to day for my 3 kids and trying to keep going. This feeling of the why haunts me everyday. I’ve read the grief books but I still feel like this isn’t real this can’t be my life. Whenever I’m with my parents I try and put on a strong front for them so they don’t need to worry and they can just focus on grieving my brother.
I am so sorry for your loss! I’m a mom to 4 kids and lost my younger brother to suicide in such a tragic way at our home. I went on autopilot and tried to handle everything thinking as long as I’m busy I’ll be ok. Unfortunately I’m not ok. I didn’t process and grief unprocessed comes out in the ugliest ways. You’re in such a hard place right now and it will come in waves. What’s been working for me is journaling and crying my eyes out in the shower or when no one is around. I totally feel for you because being a mom and being close to a younger sibling that passed is so hard. Never do I ever think this would have happened. Never. It’s unfortunate you have to keep reminding yourself to accept it and feel it. I don’t think we will ever think it’s real, we will learn to live life for them. I hope some of this helped. I totally rambled, but I felt your post because kids and being a mom and how you’re in disbelief. Sending light and love!
I can’t really say I have a healthy family that bonded during the grieving of the suicide of my siblings or that we processed it well, but being an adult now and having a functional family myself, I would probably benefit grieving together. I feel like it can just be sharing memories that you loved. It will probably make you and your parents cry, but that is the healthy thing to do. I suppose I lost my sister as an adult and was supported in a healthy way by my wife and friends. It comes in waves. There are all sorts of things you never thought about. “Do you have any siblings?” that sort of thing. You wonder how to answer. I think mentioning it to your kids can be helpful also to keep the memory alive. I remember at my bachelor party, my sister had just passed away and my friends were talking about their siblings. For me, there was addiction and pain involved so its a bit more painful than bitter sweet. I guess, though, if there are positive memories to share this could be an opportunity to grieve well.