Hey Johnny, Fly High, Baby Brother

Hey Johnny, I wasn’t ready to lose you. You took your life on the 19th of last month. It’s been ridiculously hard without you. I wish I could talk to you again, I wish I could’ve given you a hug and tell you everything was going to be okay.
I got you out of our toxic families house in October, you had lived with me since then. When you left to visit them, you never said goodbye, or gave me a hug before you left, like you normally did. I wish I could’ve saved you. You kept me grounded all these years and I feel so lost without you.
You’re my baby brother, we were going to go bowling on your 21st birthday, we were five months away from celebrating your birthday before I got that phone call.
They wouldn’t even bury you. They cremated you, turned you to ashes. And guess what necklaces they chose to carry you around in? A bullet. It’s horrific that they don’t see anything wrong with memorializing you that way.
You were the purest person I knew. You were my best friend. You were the one person in the world I felt wasn’t against me. I never thought I’d outlive you. Dad has been pretty broken but he’s been emailing me, checking up on me. Dad didn’t leave your side after you passed. I wish I could’ve been there, this was the first time I truly hated living so far away from our hometown.
They took pictures after the doctors called time of death, I haven’t had the closure, until today when dad sent them to me. I wish it weren’t real. I wish you were still here. I wish you didn’t leave the world so soon. You were like a guardian angel in my life, and I wasn’t ready for you to leave. I don’t think I ever would’ve been.
My heart breaks everyday, but I’m trying. No one in life ever prepares you for the heartbreak of losing someone you love. I love you, Johnny, forever and always, you’ll always be my baby brother. My twin born four years late.
-I love you so much, Katie

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